It's that time of year again, summer! The birds are back, the air is warm, and we all know Andrew's audition piece backwards and forwards.
Andrew used to have a speech problem. I haven't noticed it recently but Mom still has him do "speech practice." Since he has a Shakespeare part he should be memorizing Mom has him do that. Actually, he does it so often and so loudly that I doubt there's a single McPherson who doesn't have everything memorized, including which words he stresses.
I should have Andrew do my part for his speech class instead. Then I would have it memorized in a matter of weeks.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
R.I.P
We gather together today to mourn my super companion, Papaya. Papaya has been my desktop for four years. Together we've done all sorts of meaningful things, like waste time playing games and working on projects that we never finished. You have been loyal throughout the years and have never once gotten a virus. We'll never forget you, Papaya.
The cause of death was a mysterious electrical spike that blew out the motherboard (As Poirot would say, "What nonsense. I have never known a computer whose motherboard still worked), probably murder from some other appliance. Our prime suspect is the vaccuum, but as any good detective knows, it is never the prime suspect that actually did it. A good detective knows that the actual murder is usually the person who benefits from the will, which in this case is Avacado the Laptop. All of the programs and files on Papaya are going to be transfered to Avacado via some sort of computer seance where we channel Papaya and his memories through another computer, probably the less interestingly named "Work Computer." It's a tricky business that only top shamans like my mother can perform.
So just one more moment of silence for my terrific computer. He has served his master well. Goodbye, Papaya.
The cause of death was a mysterious electrical spike that blew out the motherboard (As Poirot would say, "What nonsense. I have never known a computer whose motherboard still worked), probably murder from some other appliance. Our prime suspect is the vaccuum, but as any good detective knows, it is never the prime suspect that actually did it. A good detective knows that the actual murder is usually the person who benefits from the will, which in this case is Avacado the Laptop. All of the programs and files on Papaya are going to be transfered to Avacado via some sort of computer seance where we channel Papaya and his memories through another computer, probably the less interestingly named "Work Computer." It's a tricky business that only top shamans like my mother can perform.
So just one more moment of silence for my terrific computer. He has served his master well. Goodbye, Papaya.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Driving with Dad
Today, Dad drove me home from school. He had a meeting in the area and figured he could do me the tremendous favor of taking me home. Unfortunately driving with him is only slightly more safe than throwing rocks at beehives. I could have died multiple times.
He would constantly zoom along until he is trapped behind a person moving slower than he was whereupon he would honk his horn and flash his headlights and make a general nuisance of himself. I wish he would just be patient. It is one of the fruits of the Spirit after all.
It's odd because whenever I am in the driver's seat I only have to be going downhill before he is clutching his heart and screaming. (figuratively speaking.) I drive much safer than he does and yet he complains about my driving all the time. What a hypocrite.
He would constantly zoom along until he is trapped behind a person moving slower than he was whereupon he would honk his horn and flash his headlights and make a general nuisance of himself. I wish he would just be patient. It is one of the fruits of the Spirit after all.
It's odd because whenever I am in the driver's seat I only have to be going downhill before he is clutching his heart and screaming. (figuratively speaking.) I drive much safer than he does and yet he complains about my driving all the time. What a hypocrite.
Irritations
I might as well break it to you that I won't have any more free time than I do now. I'll still be running my job as a transcriptionist for my dad and I might have a job at UTC as a math tutor. These two things are however nothing in comparison to my mother's new scheme: "Oh this and that."
Important proverb: Always beware mothers bearing ambiguity. The two jobs I currently carry will each take me a set amount of time which would then allow me to go home and rest for all the time that I'm not working. My mother now says that I will be working "at least one hour" around the house every day this summer except for Sundays. This is a big problem because she will not tell you what she needs you to do until the second before she wants you to do it.
If she would only tell me in advance what she wants me to do, I wouldn't be in human vegetable mode when she asks me to do it. But no. She will keep springing irritating little irritations that are each only about a second long on me all day long. "Duncan, move this. Duncan, move that. Duncan, help Luke. Duncan, wipe off this counter. Duncan, get Emily milk. Duncan, distract Emily. Duncan, find out why Connor is crying. Duncan, fix this. Duncan, I told you five minutes ago to move this. Duncan, would you please wipe off this counter. Duncan, go get the laundry pile. Duncan, feed the kids. Duncan, put Emily back in bed. Duncan, feel this counter. It doesn't feel like you did a very good job. Don't just stand there." I will have no time to rest. Mom will ask me that evening why I am so exhausted, after all I wasn't doing anything today.
Important proverb: Always beware mothers bearing ambiguity. The two jobs I currently carry will each take me a set amount of time which would then allow me to go home and rest for all the time that I'm not working. My mother now says that I will be working "at least one hour" around the house every day this summer except for Sundays. This is a big problem because she will not tell you what she needs you to do until the second before she wants you to do it.
If she would only tell me in advance what she wants me to do, I wouldn't be in human vegetable mode when she asks me to do it. But no. She will keep springing irritating little irritations that are each only about a second long on me all day long. "Duncan, move this. Duncan, move that. Duncan, help Luke. Duncan, wipe off this counter. Duncan, get Emily milk. Duncan, distract Emily. Duncan, find out why Connor is crying. Duncan, fix this. Duncan, I told you five minutes ago to move this. Duncan, would you please wipe off this counter. Duncan, go get the laundry pile. Duncan, feed the kids. Duncan, put Emily back in bed. Duncan, feel this counter. It doesn't feel like you did a very good job. Don't just stand there." I will have no time to rest. Mom will ask me that evening why I am so exhausted, after all I wasn't doing anything today.
Monday, April 27, 2009
M__________'s Rant
I have been told by my family that having last names online is an extremely dangerous thing. They're right, of course, which is why I have scanned my posts and changed every single last name to M_____ or K_____ or whatever. I have not checked comments so if anyone wants a comment containing their last name deleted, just leave a comment on this post telling me where to find it and I will delete it.
There was actually only one instance I could find of a last name being used so I removed that. Not only that but it was M______ so it doesn't matter that I encoded it because it is in enormous uncensored letters at the top of my blog.
My parents were not too worried about the name of the blog though and said I didn't have to change it, which is a relief because thinking of a good name for a blog is a pain. This leniency probably has to do with the fact that even if you knew my full name, finding me would be impossible because EVERY MCPHERSON ON THE PLANET is named "Duncan." And you probably thought my name was weird, didn't you? It's a blessing in disguise, it is.
There was actually only one instance I could find of a last name being used so I removed that. Not only that but it was M______ so it doesn't matter that I encoded it because it is in enormous uncensored letters at the top of my blog.
My parents were not too worried about the name of the blog though and said I didn't have to change it, which is a relief because thinking of a good name for a blog is a pain. This leniency probably has to do with the fact that even if you knew my full name, finding me would be impossible because EVERY MCPHERSON ON THE PLANET is named "Duncan." And you probably thought my name was weird, didn't you? It's a blessing in disguise, it is.
That was a lot easier than I thought it would be
Today, I finished a biology final and had some time on my hands so I waltzed on over to room 205 in the EMCS and promptly filled out an application. I asked if I had to come back for an interview but the woman, who was clearly the head honcho, just gazed at me for a while and said "No. I'll call you if I need you."
I'm starting to suspect that it was too easy. They probably looked at my application and realized I was a complete incompetent when they saw that I put the word "Homeschool" down where it says "High School:". Or maybe they were tipped off when I had to call home to get my social security number.
When it asked for "Previous tutoring experience, formal and informal," I put "Teaching elementary school children Latin." Ha ha. How I love ambiguity. It's oh so iffy!
By the way, when it says "Put your last two classes down here:" They don't mean your last two math classes. They mean the two classes you took most recently, whether it be English, Science, Math, or whatever. They probably want to get the dirt on you from your teachers. Ha. Good luck with that. My teachers love me. I'm the best.
I'm starting to suspect that it was too easy. They probably looked at my application and realized I was a complete incompetent when they saw that I put the word "Homeschool" down where it says "High School:". Or maybe they were tipped off when I had to call home to get my social security number.
When it asked for "Previous tutoring experience, formal and informal," I put "Teaching elementary school children Latin." Ha ha. How I love ambiguity. It's oh so iffy!
By the way, when it says "Put your last two classes down here:" They don't mean your last two math classes. They mean the two classes you took most recently, whether it be English, Science, Math, or whatever. They probably want to get the dirt on you from your teachers. Ha. Good luck with that. My teachers love me. I'm the best.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Flamingo, oh yeah!
Today was the Walk for Life, which I skipped in favor of fencing. Anyways, my siblings loved me so much that they put my name in for the raffle. I won a prize. It's a flamingo sculpture from Go Fish. It's awesome. If I knew how to operate a camera I would take a picture of me holding it and put it here.
The dilemma is figuring out where to put it. If you put it anywhere upstairs it will probably be knocked down and destroyed within a week. If you put it downstairs, mom will purse her lips every time she sees it and it will disappear mysteriously within a week. Either way its life expectancy isn't too good.
Anyways, I'd like to keep it because it reminds me of the Walk for Life, the same reason that I keep all my Walk for Life T-shirts and water bottles. It's awesome because the Walk for Life is something I believe is really important and so everything it produces is, by extension, awesome. It's not the sculpture I like half as much as what it stands for. It's a nice sculpture, though. Thank you Africans.
The dilemma is figuring out where to put it. If you put it anywhere upstairs it will probably be knocked down and destroyed within a week. If you put it downstairs, mom will purse her lips every time she sees it and it will disappear mysteriously within a week. Either way its life expectancy isn't too good.
Anyways, I'd like to keep it because it reminds me of the Walk for Life, the same reason that I keep all my Walk for Life T-shirts and water bottles. It's awesome because the Walk for Life is something I believe is really important and so everything it produces is, by extension, awesome. It's not the sculpture I like half as much as what it stands for. It's a nice sculpture, though. Thank you Africans.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Easy Finals
Well there's good news in this post. (If any of you don't want to hear it, you can just close this window right now.)
I have such an enormous 'A' in biology that I only have to make a 24/50 (48%) on the final to get an 'A' in the course. Yes, it is amazing. I intend to work hard anyway, but it is a relief to know that I have an enormous safety net. It keeps me from being stressed out.
My other final is in Chemistry. I'm not too worried about it since I just took an hour long practice test and made a B:89%. The grades there are such that I only have to make a C:71% to get an 'A.' It's terrific.
Yes, let this be a lesson to all: If you don't leave everything off until the last minute then your last minute will not be as impossibly overwhelming as everyone else's.
I have such an enormous 'A' in biology that I only have to make a 24/50 (48%) on the final to get an 'A' in the course. Yes, it is amazing. I intend to work hard anyway, but it is a relief to know that I have an enormous safety net. It keeps me from being stressed out.
My other final is in Chemistry. I'm not too worried about it since I just took an hour long practice test and made a B:89%. The grades there are such that I only have to make a C:71% to get an 'A.' It's terrific.
Yes, let this be a lesson to all: If you don't leave everything off until the last minute then your last minute will not be as impossibly overwhelming as everyone else's.
French, the Language of Couchant.
(I might have to change the title if I find out that is not how you spell the French word for pig.)
My mother is reading a new book to the children called "The Avion my Uncle Flew," wherein nothing of any interest happens except for a couple Nazi encounters and French people speak like pigs.
I don't mean about pigs: I mean like pigs. Here's what I mean: Every French person in this book knows approximately one word and repeats it constantly. For example, this mayor dude is constantly either waving his arms and shouting or pointing at our main character and saying "Assassin! Assassin! Assassin!" He's like a pokemon or something. Then there's a little friend of the main character who has two modes of talking: "talking really rapidly in French" and "Vit! Vit! Vit!" repeatedly. Every now and then she kicks the mayor in the shins which is entertaining enough. When the "Oncle" (Hey hey hey! That means Uncle in French!) attempts to explain that his nephew is not an "Assassin! Assassin!" to the mayor, he repeats the French word for bread over and over. The reason for this is that he is trying to explain to the mayor that the gun his nephew is holding was found in a loaf of bread. So the conversation looks like this:
Mayor: Assassin! Assassin!
Oncle: Bread! Bread! Bread!
Mayor: *thinking "That is not bread you retard, that is a gun!"* Assassin! Assassin!
Oncle: Bread! Bread! Bread!
I don't spend too much time listening to this book.
My mother is reading a new book to the children called "The Avion my Uncle Flew," wherein nothing of any interest happens except for a couple Nazi encounters and French people speak like pigs.
I don't mean about pigs: I mean like pigs. Here's what I mean: Every French person in this book knows approximately one word and repeats it constantly. For example, this mayor dude is constantly either waving his arms and shouting or pointing at our main character and saying "Assassin! Assassin! Assassin!" He's like a pokemon or something. Then there's a little friend of the main character who has two modes of talking: "talking really rapidly in French" and "Vit! Vit! Vit!" repeatedly. Every now and then she kicks the mayor in the shins which is entertaining enough. When the "Oncle" (Hey hey hey! That means Uncle in French!) attempts to explain that his nephew is not an "Assassin! Assassin!" to the mayor, he repeats the French word for bread over and over. The reason for this is that he is trying to explain to the mayor that the gun his nephew is holding was found in a loaf of bread. So the conversation looks like this:
Mayor: Assassin! Assassin!
Oncle: Bread! Bread! Bread!
Mayor: *thinking "That is not bread you retard, that is a gun!"* Assassin! Assassin!
Oncle: Bread! Bread! Bread!
I don't spend too much time listening to this book.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Luke and his Death Threats
(By which I mean Luke M____, of course.)
Today I was sitting at my computer as Luke and Connor played some game on the table in the middle of the room. For purposes of convenience, I'll pretend it was chess.
Connor: Oooh! I could take your pawn with my bishop!
Luke: Connor! If you do that I'll kill you!
Duncan: *mild indignation* Luke! Don't say you'll kill your brother! Especially over something so petty!
Luke: Oh, alright.
They continue playing...
Connor: Oooh! I could take your rook with my knight!
Luke: If you do that I'll kill you!
Duncan: *Hey. Deja vu* Luke!! I told you not to say that!
Luke: Oh, alright.
He repeats this a couple of times followed by me scolding him.
Connor: Oooh! I could take your queen with my rook!
Luke: If you do that I- I- *looks at me* I'll kill myself!
Duncan: *What the heck?* Luke!!!
These threats are completely meaningless, of course, but it is distressing that Luke uses these kind of threats in the first place.
Today I was sitting at my computer as Luke and Connor played some game on the table in the middle of the room. For purposes of convenience, I'll pretend it was chess.
Connor: Oooh! I could take your pawn with my bishop!
Luke: Connor! If you do that I'll kill you!
Duncan: *mild indignation* Luke! Don't say you'll kill your brother! Especially over something so petty!
Luke: Oh, alright.
They continue playing...
Connor: Oooh! I could take your rook with my knight!
Luke: If you do that I'll kill you!
Duncan: *Hey. Deja vu* Luke!! I told you not to say that!
Luke: Oh, alright.
He repeats this a couple of times followed by me scolding him.
Connor: Oooh! I could take your queen with my rook!
Luke: If you do that I- I- *looks at me* I'll kill myself!
Duncan: *What the heck?* Luke!!!
These threats are completely meaningless, of course, but it is distressing that Luke uses these kind of threats in the first place.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Heather's Petty Hatred of Super Program
Today I made sure to ask whether I would be allowed to use Super Program during fencing today. Heather said she needed to look at it first. Of course, she has already looked at it but she said she hadn't given it the thumbs-up.
O.K. Whatever. So I showed it to her. She glared at the screen for a while and then asked: "So in effect people are climbing higher on the backs of others?" (Exact quote.) I actually prefer to think of it in a more positive way. I told her it wasn't like that at all and that she was just trying to put a negative spin on it.
The next exchange was really weird and stupid so I'll put in a script-type format for full effect:
Heather: Well you know the people look kind of... you know...
Duncan: Hmm. Should I put in a person's crest instead of a representation?
Heather: Ah! I would totally let you use Super Program if you did that!
...
I worked really hard on those pin people. Maybe I'm just not an artist...
Heather then suggested that it look more medieval. If that's all it takes to make her happy, then fine. Although it will mean a lot of work for me. If anyone has any suggestions on how to make Super Program medieval, let me know.
O.K. Whatever. So I showed it to her. She glared at the screen for a while and then asked: "So in effect people are climbing higher on the backs of others?" (Exact quote.) I actually prefer to think of it in a more positive way. I told her it wasn't like that at all and that she was just trying to put a negative spin on it.
The next exchange was really weird and stupid so I'll put in a script-type format for full effect:
Heather: Well you know the people look kind of... you know...
Duncan: Hmm. Should I put in a person's crest instead of a representation?
Heather: Ah! I would totally let you use Super Program if you did that!
...
I worked really hard on those pin people. Maybe I'm just not an artist...
Heather then suggested that it look more medieval. If that's all it takes to make her happy, then fine. Although it will mean a lot of work for me. If anyone has any suggestions on how to make Super Program medieval, let me know.
College's Good Point
Hey, I always thought it was terrible to have to wake up early to get a shower and breakfast before 7:30, but now I found a silver lining: I don't have to sit through breakfast and listen to books of general interest anymore.
Recently, Mom was reading some book to the kids that had some dumb title like "The Magic Well" or "Seven or so Moronic Children and their Magical Adventures with a Mermaid." The only part I sat through was the part where one of the children popped the ceiling of a world that was located under the sea. They were all wondering how they could keep from dying from the pressure even though they were several leagues under the ocean when some kid had the brilliant notion that the SKY WAS FAKE. So even though they were told not to touch it, she/he popped the ceiling and killed everyone. Actually, no one died though they should have. All the ocean's waters flooded in and then the evil fish people (Who are different from mermaids FYI.) could come in and kill everyone. So they had to help or something. I didn't stick around.
Anyways, right after the idiot child popped the ceiling the author said: I will not reveal this child's name so that you won't think less of them. (Yes, the author really said that.)
"Oh no! What have I done!" said the child that will remain unnamed.
"Boy you've done it now you dweeb!" said Luke.
"Oh no! Even though the merpeople were so kind to us!" said Duncan.
"I think you'd better go apologize!" said Megan.
"Yes, and explain what happened!" said Grace B.
"Oh no! What if they kick us out of their magical merman land!" said Freeman, who then began to cry because this is a wussy book about wussy children.
So, by the way, if you haven't already used the process of elimination to figure out the name of the child who did it, then you obviously do not care. I know that I didn't care, so I left.
Recently, Mom was reading some book to the kids that had some dumb title like "The Magic Well" or "Seven or so Moronic Children and their Magical Adventures with a Mermaid." The only part I sat through was the part where one of the children popped the ceiling of a world that was located under the sea. They were all wondering how they could keep from dying from the pressure even though they were several leagues under the ocean when some kid had the brilliant notion that the SKY WAS FAKE. So even though they were told not to touch it, she/he popped the ceiling and killed everyone. Actually, no one died though they should have. All the ocean's waters flooded in and then the evil fish people (Who are different from mermaids FYI.) could come in and kill everyone. So they had to help or something. I didn't stick around.
Anyways, right after the idiot child popped the ceiling the author said: I will not reveal this child's name so that you won't think less of them. (Yes, the author really said that.)
"Oh no! What have I done!" said the child that will remain unnamed.
"Boy you've done it now you dweeb!" said Luke.
"Oh no! Even though the merpeople were so kind to us!" said Duncan.
"I think you'd better go apologize!" said Megan.
"Yes, and explain what happened!" said Grace B.
"Oh no! What if they kick us out of their magical merman land!" said Freeman, who then began to cry because this is a wussy book about wussy children.
So, by the way, if you haven't already used the process of elimination to figure out the name of the child who did it, then you obviously do not care. I know that I didn't care, so I left.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Glory to the Information Age
Recently I was chatting with a friend (Ariel) using gmail. My mother walked in, stared at my screen for a while, and then asked "Why don't you just use the phone?"
Well, after the telephone was invented people didn't correspond by telegraph did they? I think not. When something bigger and badder is invented, hip youngsters, like me, naturally move on.
To be fair to my mother, I will probably someday ask my child why he doesn't just use online chat when he wants to talk. I will have degenerated that far. Age is a scary thing.
Well, after the telephone was invented people didn't correspond by telegraph did they? I think not. When something bigger and badder is invented, hip youngsters, like me, naturally move on.
To be fair to my mother, I will probably someday ask my child why he doesn't just use online chat when he wants to talk. I will have degenerated that far. Age is a scary thing.
Being no help at all
Today, one of the billions of clothes shelves in one of the attics collapsed taking at least a million dresses with it. Our attic now looks like a disaster zone. Mom gathered together the two greatest minds in the land, Andrew and Duncan, to help her solve her dilemma: Is there a more efficient way to store clothes that doesn't require cleaning an enormous mess?
So there stood the two geniuses staring at the incredible mess, stroking their chins, and wondering whether they had any other commitments that they could use to get out of this. Every now and then Mom would ask us what we thought and then one of us would shrug and say "I have no idea" and go back to stroking our chins. Finally, Lexie came and told me it was time to go to school. Phew. I'm glad that was over. All that thinking was hurting my head.
So there stood the two geniuses staring at the incredible mess, stroking their chins, and wondering whether they had any other commitments that they could use to get out of this. Every now and then Mom would ask us what we thought and then one of us would shrug and say "I have no idea" and go back to stroking our chins. Finally, Lexie came and told me it was time to go to school. Phew. I'm glad that was over. All that thinking was hurting my head.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Heather Troubles
Because Heather trusted me enough to share her Douglas problems with me, I will not actually be saying anything about the actual conversation during this post. I just want to say that Alexie was really cool last night. Heather was upset about something that happened between her and Douglas and thus had to explain it to Alexie and me. (Rare treat. Usually she doesn't talk to anyone in her family about Douglas.) Since I had just been studying for a biology test and was meditating very hard to keep all the information from flowing out of my head, I was not much help. Alexie, however was terrific. Watching Alexie argue is like watching... hm. I don't watch sports, but let me assure you that it was beautiful.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Coordinated
It is currently my goal to coordinate my schedule at UTC to maximize the amount of time that I can see my friends based on their schedules, which is difficult because I have almost no idea what they're taking. Coordinating this is almost impossible because the only people who are allowed to sign up later than sophmores are freshmen. It's like arranging a meeting between a terrorist and a Republican in the white house.
Arranging classes with Ariel is pretty easy since she seems to know exactly what she's taking. On the other hand, Luke Keller, when seriously pressed, admits that he will definitely be taking "some sort of science class" next semester. That narrows at least one of his classes down to about three different departments.
Of course, the obvious solution is for everyone to agree to leave the same hour open for lunch, since coordinating everyone not taking a class at the same time is at least a million times easier than coordinating everyone getting into the same classes since there are always about ten sections for each class. Even if you agree to take the same classes, there's only a small chance that you'll both be able to get the same section. As for me, I'll be leaving 12:00 to 12:50 open on Monday and Friday (No lunch break on Wednesday. I have a lab. I'll just stave off my hunger by eating my lab book or something.)
Arranging classes with Ariel is pretty easy since she seems to know exactly what she's taking. On the other hand, Luke Keller, when seriously pressed, admits that he will definitely be taking "some sort of science class" next semester. That narrows at least one of his classes down to about three different departments.
Of course, the obvious solution is for everyone to agree to leave the same hour open for lunch, since coordinating everyone not taking a class at the same time is at least a million times easier than coordinating everyone getting into the same classes since there are always about ten sections for each class. Even if you agree to take the same classes, there's only a small chance that you'll both be able to get the same section. As for me, I'll be leaving 12:00 to 12:50 open on Monday and Friday (No lunch break on Wednesday. I have a lab. I'll just stave off my hunger by eating my lab book or something.)
Phylogentic Trees
At the beginning of the semester, my teacher stressed the importance of the flippability of the phylogenetic tree. (For all of you who have not taken Biology from my professor, a phylogenetic tree is what scientists use to record evolution.)
For example, a phylogenetic tree can be written as either:
or
or
This is important to note because, get a load of this, "Humans are no more evolutionarily advanced than any other organism."
Well, the real reason we studied them in the order that we did (The first one) is that every time we moved to the next organism we would add another characteristic: Sponges have nothing, not even tissues, jellyfish have tissues but nothing else, worms had tissues, a coelom and segmentation, bugs had tissues, segmentation, a true coelom and sensory organs, blah blah blah. Eventually we got to humans with tissues, bilateral symmetry, segmentation, differentiation, a coelom, sensory organs, cephalization, a backbone, a placenta, a spine that absorbs impact, a cerebrum (not to mention an entire nervous system including notochord, dorsal spinal column, and nerve endings which each took billions of years to evolve supposedly), arms that can ROTATE!!!, and the capacity to cook ramen noodles, to mention about 1%.
Everything that was added after every billion years or so we have in spades. So what on earth does he mean when he says we're not more evolutionarilly advanced than sponges? I've a phylogenetic chart a mile long!
For example, a phylogenetic tree can be written as either:
or
or
This is important to note because, get a load of this, "Humans are no more evolutionarily advanced than any other organism."
Well, the real reason we studied them in the order that we did (The first one) is that every time we moved to the next organism we would add another characteristic: Sponges have nothing, not even tissues, jellyfish have tissues but nothing else, worms had tissues, a coelom and segmentation, bugs had tissues, segmentation, a true coelom and sensory organs, blah blah blah. Eventually we got to humans with tissues, bilateral symmetry, segmentation, differentiation, a coelom, sensory organs, cephalization, a backbone, a placenta, a spine that absorbs impact, a cerebrum (not to mention an entire nervous system including notochord, dorsal spinal column, and nerve endings which each took billions of years to evolve supposedly), arms that can ROTATE!!!, and the capacity to cook ramen noodles, to mention about 1%.
Everything that was added after every billion years or so we have in spades. So what on earth does he mean when he says we're not more evolutionarilly advanced than sponges? I've a phylogenetic chart a mile long!
Friday, April 17, 2009
Power Supply Obliterated
Tragedy of tragedies: My computer broke. My grandfather, who invented the computer but not really, says that it is either the power supply that is broken or the motherboard. If it's the motherboard the computer is dead, but if it is the power supply it is only sleeping and can be awakened by the kiss of a prince.
We ordered a new power supply and now we are waiting for it. I want to end this miserable torment of desperately wishing that my computer isn't dead as soon as possible. I have a lot of things that are very important to me on that computer, like Super Program's code and my Chemistry programs. Please please please, be the power supply!
We ordered a new power supply and now we are waiting for it. I want to end this miserable torment of desperately wishing that my computer isn't dead as soon as possible. I have a lot of things that are very important to me on that computer, like Super Program's code and my Chemistry programs. Please please please, be the power supply!
Bouncy Castles
I was recently talking about bouncy castles with Ariel. What do you know: She's never been on one. I bet she has and she just doesn't remember because Bouncy Castles are one of the staples of human life just like Four Square. Anyways, I got off the computer, went to class, came out of class, and saw four enormous bouncy castles lining cardiac arrest hill. Gasp!
Apparently some organization called "A.C.E" (I have no idea what it stands for so don't ask) hosted a great big festival to promote something. It probably had something to do with their initials. They're apparently a very big important organization that probably has funding from the campus because there were four bouncy castles, a mechanical bull, a thing that spins around and makes you sick, and a lot of free food. There was also a band called Whild Peach that performed at 7:00 so I was home when they played.
I love festivals. They are so great. There should be more festivals in the U.S. For example, instead of just giving the postmen off on Martin Luther King day we could blow up some bouncy castles, invite some people to sell stuff, and have an enormous festival. It would be awesome.
Apparently some organization called "A.C.E" (I have no idea what it stands for so don't ask) hosted a great big festival to promote something. It probably had something to do with their initials. They're apparently a very big important organization that probably has funding from the campus because there were four bouncy castles, a mechanical bull, a thing that spins around and makes you sick, and a lot of free food. There was also a band called Whild Peach that performed at 7:00 so I was home when they played.
I love festivals. They are so great. There should be more festivals in the U.S. For example, instead of just giving the postmen off on Martin Luther King day we could blow up some bouncy castles, invite some people to sell stuff, and have an enormous festival. It would be awesome.
Trends are bad, lack of trends is worse.
In Chemistry there are dozens of trends on the periodic table that we need to memorize. Atoms are bigger to the left and down. Atoms are more electronegative to the right and up. Atoms are more likely to lose electrons if they're to the left and more likely to gain electrons if they're to the right. But, as much as I hate memorizing trends, I have discovered something even worse.
As a general rule if an atom forms molecules it has a higher boiling point if it is bigger which is lower on the table but if it forms bonds between atoms then it has a higher boiling point if it is higher up on the table. I always thought molecules WERE bonds between atoms. Apparently not.
Example: In group 14, Carbon has the highest boiling point, Tin has the lowest. In group 17 (Halogens), Iodine has the highest boiling point and Fluorine has the lowest. Group 18 (Nobles Gases) have the same rule as group 17.
The only reason I really care is that I got a 99% on my chemistry test because I said Helium had the highest boiling point of the noble gases instead of Xenon. Annoying.
As a general rule if an atom forms molecules it has a higher boiling point if it is bigger which is lower on the table but if it forms bonds between atoms then it has a higher boiling point if it is higher up on the table. I always thought molecules WERE bonds between atoms. Apparently not.
Example: In group 14, Carbon has the highest boiling point, Tin has the lowest. In group 17 (Halogens), Iodine has the highest boiling point and Fluorine has the lowest. Group 18 (Nobles Gases) have the same rule as group 17.
The only reason I really care is that I got a 99% on my chemistry test because I said Helium had the highest boiling point of the noble gases instead of Xenon. Annoying.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
What is its mouth doing down there?
Today I had a big bad Biology test. All of the questions were really easy, for example: "What is the phylum name of a jellyfish. What is the phylum name of an earthworm. What is the phylum name of an insect." Since the only thing we have been studying is phylum names, it was a cinch. Some questions were really hard, though. Here are a couple that I'm pretty sure I got wrong:
1) What is the name of the tissue that connects the intestines.
Ans: Mesentery. (I guessed Mesoderm. I was sort of close if you count by syllables.)
2) What is the name of this organism?
Ans: Planaria. (I guessed Platyhelminthe which is the phylum name of the Planaria. I was close.)
3) What is this structure?
Ans: Mouth. (I guessed ovary because it was in the worm's... well the area where the ovary should be.)
Of course, the four extra credit questions were a breeze so I'm pretty sure I got over 100% again. That would be convenient.
1) What is the name of the tissue that connects the intestines.
Ans: Mesentery. (I guessed Mesoderm. I was sort of close if you count by syllables.)
2) What is the name of this organism?
Ans: Planaria. (I guessed Platyhelminthe which is the phylum name of the Planaria. I was close.)
3) What is this structure?
Ans: Mouth. (I guessed ovary because it was in the worm's... well the area where the ovary should be.)
Of course, the four extra credit questions were a breeze so I'm pretty sure I got over 100% again. That would be convenient.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Fighting the Establishment
Speaking of classes, Organic Chemistry met its death at 7:00 this morning. There were two reasons for this:
1) All the classes filled up.
2) Organic Chemistry can only be taken in your third year.
None of these seemed to bother Mom at all. She said all I had to do was go down to the UC, pick up Form 104EDC740-cX so that I could "force-ed" my way into a filled class and Form 3912fTToadsOP-Xt6 to "force-ed" my way into a class above my grade level. To fill these forms you'll need signatures from you, your guardian, the teacher whose class you are forcing your way into, the president of the united states, etc. I decided to put my foot down.
The reason being that last semester Dr. Davies inserted a shameless plug into his Latin class for a Classics class that was a 300 level course. (Dr. Davies is like the brand names that advertise their soaps and deoderants on their shampoo bottles.) Alexie, of course, decided to take it. She had to fill out both these forms, while battling Dr. Davies' evil non-red-headed secretary of DOOOM, and somehow getting Dr. Davies to sign them without his secretary noticing. Dr. Davies suggested that Alexie change her motto from "Hard work and guts" to "Paperwork and guts."
Dr. Davies secretary used to be a nice red-headed lady according to Heather, but she was hired by someone with more money and pizzazz than Dr. Davies and was thus stolen from him, leaving him broken and depressed enough to hire an evil secretary. (At least she won't be stolen from him, right?)
Anyways, to cut a long tragic epic battle short, Alexie died tragically. She didn't get into the class. I decided not to even bother. Funny thing is that I was only going to take Organic Chemistry to test my limits. Apparently, I come up rather short if I don't even have enough awesomeness to even get into the class.
1) All the classes filled up.
2) Organic Chemistry can only be taken in your third year.
None of these seemed to bother Mom at all. She said all I had to do was go down to the UC, pick up Form 104EDC740-cX so that I could "force-ed" my way into a filled class and Form 3912fTToadsOP-Xt6 to "force-ed" my way into a class above my grade level. To fill these forms you'll need signatures from you, your guardian, the teacher whose class you are forcing your way into, the president of the united states, etc. I decided to put my foot down.
The reason being that last semester Dr. Davies inserted a shameless plug into his Latin class for a Classics class that was a 300 level course. (Dr. Davies is like the brand names that advertise their soaps and deoderants on their shampoo bottles.) Alexie, of course, decided to take it. She had to fill out both these forms, while battling Dr. Davies' evil non-red-headed secretary of DOOOM, and somehow getting Dr. Davies to sign them without his secretary noticing. Dr. Davies suggested that Alexie change her motto from "Hard work and guts" to "Paperwork and guts."
Dr. Davies secretary used to be a nice red-headed lady according to Heather, but she was hired by someone with more money and pizzazz than Dr. Davies and was thus stolen from him, leaving him broken and depressed enough to hire an evil secretary. (At least she won't be stolen from him, right?)
Anyways, to cut a long tragic epic battle short, Alexie died tragically. She didn't get into the class. I decided not to even bother. Funny thing is that I was only going to take Organic Chemistry to test my limits. Apparently, I come up rather short if I don't even have enough awesomeness to even get into the class.
SUCH fun
Today, I have a lot of things that happened so I might make multiple blog posts. Oh well. Anyway the first thing that happened to me was Signing Up for Classes Hell, which when abbreviated makes the word "SUCH" for no reason.
Anyways, I was awake at 5:30 so that I could get Mom to turn off Covenant Eyes. Covenant Eyes is our filter which does not allow internet activity between 10:00 and 7:00 which is usually fine because that is usually when my parents are asleep. However, I needed that computer at 6:00 to sign up for classes. Anyways, that was turned off and so I waited stealthily for 6:00 to strike. When 6:00 did strike, guess what? The registry page was counted by Mom's pop-up blocker as a pop-up. Had to switch computers. It was SUCH a pain.
Turns out that most of my classes were full by the time I was able to log on. (7:00, I could have totally slept in) I signed up for Timothy Parker's English Class (ENGL 122 007), Dr. Davies' Latin Class (LAT 101 001), and Phillip Giffin's Economics Class (ECON 102 004/005) for anyone who is interested in knowing such random unimportant information. I also need three more credit hours if any of my friends know a class that they will also be in that counts for some Gen Ed requirement that I haven't yet met. Not that any of this is important.
P.S. Phillip Giffin is supposedly a strong Republican with an oddly spelled name and dozens of open spaces in his class. I'd advise anyone who happens to be at UTC next semester to take him. Not that I'm insinuating anything.
Anyways, I was awake at 5:30 so that I could get Mom to turn off Covenant Eyes. Covenant Eyes is our filter which does not allow internet activity between 10:00 and 7:00 which is usually fine because that is usually when my parents are asleep. However, I needed that computer at 6:00 to sign up for classes. Anyways, that was turned off and so I waited stealthily for 6:00 to strike. When 6:00 did strike, guess what? The registry page was counted by Mom's pop-up blocker as a pop-up. Had to switch computers. It was SUCH a pain.
Turns out that most of my classes were full by the time I was able to log on. (7:00, I could have totally slept in) I signed up for Timothy Parker's English Class (ENGL 122 007), Dr. Davies' Latin Class (LAT 101 001), and Phillip Giffin's Economics Class (ECON 102 004/005) for anyone who is interested in knowing such random unimportant information. I also need three more credit hours if any of my friends know a class that they will also be in that counts for some Gen Ed requirement that I haven't yet met. Not that any of this is important.
P.S. Phillip Giffin is supposedly a strong Republican with an oddly spelled name and dozens of open spaces in his class. I'd advise anyone who happens to be at UTC next semester to take him. Not that I'm insinuating anything.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Double Whammy
Today I have two tests. This is annoying because usually after one test I enter a zombified state and crash into things. Too much thinking. Therefore I will be completely brain-dead during my second test, which is in Chemistry. Fortunately all my study for the Chemistry Lab test I did yesterday doubles as study for today's test so I might manage to pull off two 'A's.
The last time I did two tests on the same day I got a 'B' in my second test. Yes, it is true. I read my test paper afterwards and it looked like it had been written by a monkey. It was saturated with careless errors. In fact, since it was a chemistry test, it was SUPER-SATURATED, meaning that the ion product was greater than the equlibrium constant. It was truly pathetic. I managed to persuade him to give me half credit on one question where I completely solved it and then put a 6 down instead of a 5. I amaze myself sometimes.
The last time I did two tests on the same day I got a 'B' in my second test. Yes, it is true. I read my test paper afterwards and it looked like it had been written by a monkey. It was saturated with careless errors. In fact, since it was a chemistry test, it was SUPER-SATURATED, meaning that the ion product was greater than the equlibrium constant. It was truly pathetic. I managed to persuade him to give me half credit on one question where I completely solved it and then put a 6 down instead of a 5. I amaze myself sometimes.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Chemistry FIIIIIIIINAAAAAAAAL
Wow. What a blast. Today was my final in my Chemistry Lab. 30 minutes before the class I sat down and studied like I had never studied before, which I hadn't. I think I got an 'A' anyway. It's amazing what a little bit of last second cramming can do.
Not really. I've been studying this bloodsucker of a test for a week. I even created a set of programs that would give randomly generated Chemistry questions to me. I learn better when I teach someone, so I programmed the program so that it could teach me, and it worked. I got twice the benefit. Hooray for Dark Basic!
The funny thing was that there were two questions on the test which asked about material that I only learned while sitting out in the hall waiting for the test. It was divine providence I tell you
Not really. I've been studying this bloodsucker of a test for a week. I even created a set of programs that would give randomly generated Chemistry questions to me. I learn better when I teach someone, so I programmed the program so that it could teach me, and it worked. I got twice the benefit. Hooray for Dark Basic!
The funny thing was that there were two questions on the test which asked about material that I only learned while sitting out in the hall waiting for the test. It was divine providence I tell you
Do it with a chord~!
Recently I tried to play the piano again. It didn't work too well. So I've been re-teaching myself the basics. Every time I mess up one of the basic drills I get frustrated, so I play a C-chord to calm myself down. C-chords are great. Yes, you can put C-chords onto anything and make them sound fuller and grander. It's swell. Of course, at the rate that I mess up, I play more C-chords than actual notes. I'll get it eventually, though. Practice makes perfect.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Friday Theology
Today, my Dad gave a really great Sunday School lesson on Friday Theology vs. Sunday Theology. (Or at least that's what he called it.) Friday Theology celebrates Christ as your Savior, who died for your sins and makes you right before God. Sunday Theology celebrates Christ as your Lord, who has risen from the dead.
Now that I've heard it, I realize that I am too obsessed with Friday Theology. Instead of praise and worship, I zero in too much on thankfulness and repentance. Jesus is my Lord as well as my Savior, although I too seldom give him credit for it. I will strive from now on to give God his total due instead of just the one half. Praise the Lord. He is risen.
Now that I've heard it, I realize that I am too obsessed with Friday Theology. Instead of praise and worship, I zero in too much on thankfulness and repentance. Jesus is my Lord as well as my Savior, although I too seldom give him credit for it. I will strive from now on to give God his total due instead of just the one half. Praise the Lord. He is risen.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Plane Crisis
Chinese Fairy Tale:
Once upon a time a father called each of his responsible eldest children and told them to look through the e-mail saying: Whoever finds the e-mail containing your mother's flight information will inherit my fortune.
The eldest son searched but could not find anything.
The second eldest son kind of stared at the computer screen for a while and then left.
The second eldest daughter did some clicking around to no avail.
The eldest son took another shot at it.
The eldest son dragged the second eldest son back so the second eldest son could take a shot at it. The second eldest son failed.
The rest of the children ran around upstairs yelling.
The youngest daughter started crying because she thought that the "Scotland people had killed her mother."
The father found the information himself and told his three children to go jump off a cliff.
The moral of the story is that if you want your wife back in your country, you'll have to do all the work yourself. The end.
Once upon a time a father called each of his responsible eldest children and told them to look through the e-mail saying: Whoever finds the e-mail containing your mother's flight information will inherit my fortune.
The eldest son searched but could not find anything.
The second eldest son kind of stared at the computer screen for a while and then left.
The second eldest daughter did some clicking around to no avail.
The eldest son took another shot at it.
The eldest son dragged the second eldest son back so the second eldest son could take a shot at it. The second eldest son failed.
The rest of the children ran around upstairs yelling.
The youngest daughter started crying because she thought that the "Scotland people had killed her mother."
The father found the information himself and told his three children to go jump off a cliff.
The moral of the story is that if you want your wife back in your country, you'll have to do all the work yourself. The end.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Simple Subtraction
This'll have to be my last post today lest I pass the 500 blogs a week limit. (I bet you didn't even know they had that limit.)
Anyways, I've found a use for subtraction: Calculating what time you ought to start your movies in order to end at a reasonable hour. For example: If you need to be done by 10:00 and your movie is 2 hours long, you should start no later than 8:00. I mention this because I have recently discovered that none of my siblings can do this.
Example 1: Heather recently tried to organize a watching of "Ever After" with the kids down to Grace (Bedtime=8:00). "Ever After" is 1 hr, 40 mins. What time should we start by?
Heather's Answer: 7:00.
Example 2: Alexie, Duncan, Andrew, David (Earliest bedtime: 9:00) all intended to watch a movie rental that needed to be returned as soon as possible. It was 100 mins (1 hr, 40 mins.) What time do we start by.
Alexie's and Andrew's Answer: Ignore Duncan and David trying to get it started at 7:00 so that David will be able to watch the whole thing. Send e-mails for thirty extra minutes, start at 7:30.
The reason I brought this up was because last night David helped with the Walk for Life. (fighting abortion.) David and Andrew had an one-hour movie for that night so I made sure to get David back before 8:00 so he could watch it. When we got back, we were immediately greeted by Andrew who said to David (exact quote): "David, because you went walking for life we can not watch our movie tonight." David was very upset. Now this strikes me as odd because Andrew: a) doesn't care whether anyone gets to bed on time. b) Always starts his movies way too late. c) Was wrong because they did manage to watch it all and end before 9:00.
The only thing that Andrew did by saying that was to make David feel bad for doing the Walk for Life, something which is one hundred times more important than watching a movie or doing computer projects.
Anyways, I've found a use for subtraction: Calculating what time you ought to start your movies in order to end at a reasonable hour. For example: If you need to be done by 10:00 and your movie is 2 hours long, you should start no later than 8:00. I mention this because I have recently discovered that none of my siblings can do this.
Example 1: Heather recently tried to organize a watching of "Ever After" with the kids down to Grace (Bedtime=8:00). "Ever After" is 1 hr, 40 mins. What time should we start by?
Heather's Answer: 7:00.
Example 2: Alexie, Duncan, Andrew, David (Earliest bedtime: 9:00) all intended to watch a movie rental that needed to be returned as soon as possible. It was 100 mins (1 hr, 40 mins.) What time do we start by.
Alexie's and Andrew's Answer: Ignore Duncan and David trying to get it started at 7:00 so that David will be able to watch the whole thing. Send e-mails for thirty extra minutes, start at 7:30.
The reason I brought this up was because last night David helped with the Walk for Life. (fighting abortion.) David and Andrew had an one-hour movie for that night so I made sure to get David back before 8:00 so he could watch it. When we got back, we were immediately greeted by Andrew who said to David (exact quote): "David, because you went walking for life we can not watch our movie tonight." David was very upset. Now this strikes me as odd because Andrew: a) doesn't care whether anyone gets to bed on time. b) Always starts his movies way too late. c) Was wrong because they did manage to watch it all and end before 9:00.
The only thing that Andrew did by saying that was to make David feel bad for doing the Walk for Life, something which is one hundred times more important than watching a movie or doing computer projects.
Ode to UTC
Well, Andrew recently complained that all I do on my blog is complain about him. It isn't true since I complain about all the rest of my siblings too. Anyways, I decided to write something positive. It's on school.
Yeah I know that everything I've said so far about school is negative. Still, even though the teachers represent a direct assault on my faith, I still enjoy biology. Since the teacher was mysteriously absent last week (Turned out he wasn't at the conference. He was in the emergency room.) we dissected a rat this week. The rat was completely full of "preservative fluid" so that when you got too close to peer through the murky depths of the formaldehyde to find the spleen (The spleen is long and dark, like a passageway.), a piece of skin would flap and splash this "preservative fluid" into your face. Our teacher advised that we keep our mouths closed.
I also enjoy Performance class. For our final project we're supposed to take a scene from Our Town and adapt it to another setting (pirates, medevil, prohibitionary period, renaissance, modern day, etc.) So I was roped together with two guys who thought like this:
Invisible horse --> Imaginary Friend --> This guy has been taking drugs.
The horse is invisible because Thornton Wilder decided to write into the play "NO PROPS OR SCENERY ALLOWED NOT EVEN A HORSE" So the milkman who in the play leads a horse around has become "Smoking Bear" and he's totally stoned.
My favorite class is statistics because it lets me do things like this:
Duncan: Ooooh. I wonder if the average mean of the matches fenced per week is greater than or equal to 3 with an alpha of 0.05!!!
...
Duncan: YAY! I JUST FAILED TO REJECT THE NULL HYPOTHESIS! WOOHOO!
Which means I just proved nothing. The end.
Yeah I know that everything I've said so far about school is negative. Still, even though the teachers represent a direct assault on my faith, I still enjoy biology. Since the teacher was mysteriously absent last week (Turned out he wasn't at the conference. He was in the emergency room.) we dissected a rat this week. The rat was completely full of "preservative fluid" so that when you got too close to peer through the murky depths of the formaldehyde to find the spleen (The spleen is long and dark, like a passageway.), a piece of skin would flap and splash this "preservative fluid" into your face. Our teacher advised that we keep our mouths closed.
I also enjoy Performance class. For our final project we're supposed to take a scene from Our Town and adapt it to another setting (pirates, medevil, prohibitionary period, renaissance, modern day, etc.) So I was roped together with two guys who thought like this:
Invisible horse --> Imaginary Friend --> This guy has been taking drugs.
The horse is invisible because Thornton Wilder decided to write into the play "NO PROPS OR SCENERY ALLOWED NOT EVEN A HORSE" So the milkman who in the play leads a horse around has become "Smoking Bear" and he's totally stoned.
My favorite class is statistics because it lets me do things like this:
Duncan: Ooooh. I wonder if the average mean of the matches fenced per week is greater than or equal to 3 with an alpha of 0.05!!!
...
Duncan: YAY! I JUST FAILED TO REJECT THE NULL HYPOTHESIS! WOOHOO!
Which means I just proved nothing. The end.
Amazing New Revelation for my younger siblings
I woke up this morning after Dad had left for work. Mom's out of town, but the kids are supposed to do school anyway. So here's the revelation: You're supposed to do school anyway. Here I am meandering about and the kids are e-mailing friends, watching TV, playing with blocks, etc. It drives me nuts. I'm assuming that I'm in charge of making the siblings do their work since I'm the oldest responsible adult in the house. (besides Alexie, but she doesn't count.) Here are two typical meetings.
Act I, scene II
Setting is bonus room. Emily is watching Blue's Clues or some other infantile show of the like. She's probably watching the creepy show "Blue's house" where Blue talks and she has a new creepy sidekick/friend/white dog with green spots and a high nasal voice. Now I know why dogs don't talk. Connor is standing near the bonus room door holding his mathbook and completely entranced by the screen even though what he's watching him could not possibly interest him unless he had school to do.
Duncan: Connor. *Connor convulses suddenly as if he has been shocked with 1,000,000 volts.*
Connor: Uh... *Tries to leave the room through the door I am currently standing in. I grab his forehead and tilt his head back and gaze deep into his eyes.*
Duncan: Do your school.
Connor: Yes. *Runs away really fast to go stare at some other screen, like Luke's computer monitor. By the way, Luke is not doing his handwriting*
Act I, Scene II
Someone gets married, probably Heather.
Act I, Scene III
Someone dies, probably Douglas. Heather is torn, so she sings opera.
Act II, Scene IV
Duncan walks into the parents' room, the only room with computers connected to the Internet. There is Andrew typing away at the computer, e-mailing back and forth with people.
Duncan: Who are you talking to? Laura? Jacob?
Andrew: No, Matthew.
Duncan: What? Why?
Andrew: Jacob's not available.
Duncan: Maybe he's doing more important things like schoolwork.
Andrew: .........................
Duncan: *Ellipses are supposed to only have three dots* Well, how about you stop talking and go do your school?
Andrew: O.K. *Keeps typing*
Duncan: *Grabs keyboard* Don't worry, I'll wrap things up.
Andrew: *Grabs keyboard back* Just let me finish this up!
Duncan: How long?
Andrew: *Keeps typing* .............................
Duncan: Three minutes?
Andrew: Four.
Duncan: Three and a half.
Andrew: Fine.
Act I, Scene V
Four and a half minutes have passed since Act I, Scene IV.
Duncan: Andrew! GET OFF!
Andrew types something like "goodbye, hugs and kisses forever, love love, ha ha, I will never forget you, not even my flesh has been stripped from my bones, XXXOOO, Bie." Then exits hurriedly stage right.
Well, I've got to go. I have to adapt a scene from "Our Town" into a scene about a bunch of Indians. (Don't ask.) Bie.
Act I, scene II
Setting is bonus room. Emily is watching Blue's Clues or some other infantile show of the like. She's probably watching the creepy show "Blue's house" where Blue talks and she has a new creepy sidekick/friend/white dog with green spots and a high nasal voice. Now I know why dogs don't talk. Connor is standing near the bonus room door holding his mathbook and completely entranced by the screen even though what he's watching him could not possibly interest him unless he had school to do.
Duncan: Connor. *Connor convulses suddenly as if he has been shocked with 1,000,000 volts.*
Connor: Uh... *Tries to leave the room through the door I am currently standing in. I grab his forehead and tilt his head back and gaze deep into his eyes.*
Duncan: Do your school.
Connor: Yes. *Runs away really fast to go stare at some other screen, like Luke's computer monitor. By the way, Luke is not doing his handwriting*
Act I, Scene II
Someone gets married, probably Heather.
Act I, Scene III
Someone dies, probably Douglas. Heather is torn, so she sings opera.
Act II, Scene IV
Duncan walks into the parents' room, the only room with computers connected to the Internet. There is Andrew typing away at the computer, e-mailing back and forth with people.
Duncan: Who are you talking to? Laura? Jacob?
Andrew: No, Matthew.
Duncan: What? Why?
Andrew: Jacob's not available.
Duncan: Maybe he's doing more important things like schoolwork.
Andrew: .........................
Duncan: *Ellipses are supposed to only have three dots* Well, how about you stop talking and go do your school?
Andrew: O.K. *Keeps typing*
Duncan: *Grabs keyboard* Don't worry, I'll wrap things up.
Andrew: *Grabs keyboard back* Just let me finish this up!
Duncan: How long?
Andrew: *Keeps typing* .............................
Duncan: Three minutes?
Andrew: Four.
Duncan: Three and a half.
Andrew: Fine.
Act I, Scene V
Four and a half minutes have passed since Act I, Scene IV.
Duncan: Andrew! GET OFF!
Andrew types something like "goodbye, hugs and kisses forever, love love, ha ha, I will never forget you, not even my flesh has been stripped from my bones, XXXOOO, Bie." Then exits hurriedly stage right.
Well, I've got to go. I have to adapt a scene from "Our Town" into a scene about a bunch of Indians. (Don't ask.) Bie.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Why is it that siblings are so unhelpful?
I bet we have all heard our parents complain about how hard it is to get children to work, right? I TOLD Duncan at least a BAZILLION times to clean that table and he still hasn't moved. Well, they have no idea how hard it is to motivate siblings.
For Example:
I recently told Luke and Connor that they could play on my computer all they wanted in exchange for helping me clean dinner. Andrew and David got pretty steamed that I was "manipulating my brothers." So what did they do? Well, Andrew just whined. He's harmless. David let Connor and Luke play on his computer all they wanted for free.
I bet you're thinking: Well that proves that he loves his brothers and doesn't want them to be taken advantage of, right? Listen, if someone truly wanted to be selfless, they wouldn't take away workers from their bosses for the sake of the workers, they would take the place of the workers for the sake of both the bosses and the workers. Think Jesus.
The reason I bring this up is because yesterday I asked my siblings a thousand times to help me find "Our Town." To her credit, Grace helped. In the end, I gave up on my siblings and had Dad drive me back and forth between the library TWICE. (The first time was a failure because no one would help me find a working library card. I had to go back to get a Photo ID to renew a library card.)
In the end, guess where it was hidden. You guessed it, on a bookshelf. On Lexie's bookshelf to be exact. This morning when she was gathering her books for school she found it and handed it to me. She said she thought I had already looked there. (I had but I had only done a cursory scan.) In short, if Lexie had just looked a little bit when I asked her to help me search, I could have saved mountains of time.
Remember parents, when you get tired of children doing nothing to help you, you just threaten corporal punishment. Siblings also threaten corporal punishment but it only motivates the siblings to move closer to parents. You think you have it hard, try being a sibling.
For Example:
I recently told Luke and Connor that they could play on my computer all they wanted in exchange for helping me clean dinner. Andrew and David got pretty steamed that I was "manipulating my brothers." So what did they do? Well, Andrew just whined. He's harmless. David let Connor and Luke play on his computer all they wanted for free.
I bet you're thinking: Well that proves that he loves his brothers and doesn't want them to be taken advantage of, right? Listen, if someone truly wanted to be selfless, they wouldn't take away workers from their bosses for the sake of the workers, they would take the place of the workers for the sake of both the bosses and the workers. Think Jesus.
The reason I bring this up is because yesterday I asked my siblings a thousand times to help me find "Our Town." To her credit, Grace helped. In the end, I gave up on my siblings and had Dad drive me back and forth between the library TWICE. (The first time was a failure because no one would help me find a working library card. I had to go back to get a Photo ID to renew a library card.)
In the end, guess where it was hidden. You guessed it, on a bookshelf. On Lexie's bookshelf to be exact. This morning when she was gathering her books for school she found it and handed it to me. She said she thought I had already looked there. (I had but I had only done a cursory scan.) In short, if Lexie had just looked a little bit when I asked her to help me search, I could have saved mountains of time.
Remember parents, when you get tired of children doing nothing to help you, you just threaten corporal punishment. Siblings also threaten corporal punishment but it only motivates the siblings to move closer to parents. You think you have it hard, try being a sibling.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
So, where is it supposed to be?
Well, most of my readers know that my mother has left the country. She's in Scotland now. However, since she's been gone I have not been able to find anything.
For example, yesterday I tore through the house looking for my jacket. I could have sworn I left it lying around somewhere, but no. Someone had the nerve to hang it up in a closet. I mean, who would put it in a dumb place like that?
And then the statistics book. I had to school without it because I couldn't find it in the morning. I eventually found it on the shelf that mom made for me to put my schoolbooks on. And I could have sworn I left it on the dining room table.
I'm still trying to find "Our Town" which is assigned reading for theatre class. I know that at the beginning of the semester it was on the floor next to the couch, but since then it has moved and I have been unable to find it. I bet I'll find it somewhere dumb like a bookshelf or something.
Well, I have to go search for the Lame that Elizabeth Poston ordered. See you later.
For example, yesterday I tore through the house looking for my jacket. I could have sworn I left it lying around somewhere, but no. Someone had the nerve to hang it up in a closet. I mean, who would put it in a dumb place like that?
And then the statistics book. I had to school without it because I couldn't find it in the morning. I eventually found it on the shelf that mom made for me to put my schoolbooks on. And I could have sworn I left it on the dining room table.
I'm still trying to find "Our Town" which is assigned reading for theatre class. I know that at the beginning of the semester it was on the floor next to the couch, but since then it has moved and I have been unable to find it. I bet I'll find it somewhere dumb like a bookshelf or something.
Well, I have to go search for the Lame that Elizabeth Poston ordered. See you later.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Pudding
Mmmm. Lexie's pudding is so good. Today the classics club is having a bake sale at UTC. Yeah, I know what you are all thinking: Classics club? That sounds like a club for super nerdy people! Yeah, well my sister is in there. She really likes her Latin professor, Dr. Davies, so when he put a shameless plug for the classics club into his lesson, Lexie actually decided to attend. (Most professors at UTC also are the advisers for clubs and insert shameless plugs into their lessons. Example: I have been invited to join the Chemistry club by four different professors.)
Anyways, Dr. Davies decided to take the club to the parthenon in Nashville so they're holding a bake sale to raise money. Dr. Davies made some cookies that look like garbage so I didn't buy them. Lots of people made cookies. Lexie however made chocolate pudding with whipped cream and oreo crumbs. I've so far bought two and if there are any left when I show up to beg Lexie to take me home, I'll buy those too. They're so good.
Anyways, Dr. Davies decided to take the club to the parthenon in Nashville so they're holding a bake sale to raise money. Dr. Davies made some cookies that look like garbage so I didn't buy them. Lots of people made cookies. Lexie however made chocolate pudding with whipped cream and oreo crumbs. I've so far bought two and if there are any left when I show up to beg Lexie to take me home, I'll buy those too. They're so good.
My faith is so laughable.
It occurred to me recently when I was taking my biology test that my teacher has more faith in atheism than I do in God. I characteristically refuse to talk about God in public but my teacher puts questions on the test that say something like: "How many years were there in between the evolution of prokaryotes and eukaryotes?" The answer is one billion. Which strikes me as odd because it took one billion years to evolve a nucleus and then three billion years to evolve everything else: sensory organs, intellect, Duncan McPherson, all those really complex and amazing things.
In my first semester one question asked: What is the origin of life? a) Gradual Evolution. b) Aliens C) Intelligent Creator. d) Sudden Evolution. (This was not the exact wording) Can you guess which was the right answer? I put down (a) and got the question right but it made me feel dirty inside.
So, nobody here would complain if I assumed evolution is false, right? God exists beyond a shadow of a doubt. So why is it that I can't admit it to other people or take a definitive stand on principle while my teacher has enough gall to put atheism on tests? My cowardice annoys me.
In my first semester one question asked: What is the origin of life? a) Gradual Evolution. b) Aliens C) Intelligent Creator. d) Sudden Evolution. (This was not the exact wording) Can you guess which was the right answer? I put down (a) and got the question right but it made me feel dirty inside.
So, nobody here would complain if I assumed evolution is false, right? God exists beyond a shadow of a doubt. So why is it that I can't admit it to other people or take a definitive stand on principle while my teacher has enough gall to put atheism on tests? My cowardice annoys me.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Arthropoda
Finally, we have reached the realm of things able to be seen with the naked eye in my Biology class. When we were studying Archaea and Bacteria all we could do is look through microscopes at them, which is bad because microscopes are my one weakness. Even though I have tried once a week for an entire year I have not yet figured out how to adjust the microscope so that both my eyes are looking at the same thing. I scroll it one way, too large. The other way, too small. Microscopes are scum.
Anyways, it's nice to be able to dissect things, although sometimes you have to use a microscope to look at something like half of a cricket's coelom cell or something.
P.S. People who name their cricket "Jiminy" before dissecting it are about as unique and clever as the people who hear my name and ask "Can I have some doughnuts? Tee hee hee."
Anyways, it's nice to be able to dissect things, although sometimes you have to use a microscope to look at something like half of a cricket's coelom cell or something.
P.S. People who name their cricket "Jiminy" before dissecting it are about as unique and clever as the people who hear my name and ask "Can I have some doughnuts? Tee hee hee."
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Honor Matches
It finally happened: someone cheated on super program. Two little boys put down two matches that they didn't actually fight. I asked the boys themselves two questions: Did you really fight these and who directed? The answer was predictable: They were "honor matches."
They both claimed to have beaten my younger brother. I had been directing Connor's (my brother) matches and when I went to the computer I saw two matches that I knew Connor hadn't fought. I asked Connor about it and he said he never fought those matches. It's really annoying because I can program all day but I can't make a program that senses lies. It really is dependent on honesty.
I can't think of a tactful way to break it to them that they can't lie. I've never been one for tact. I'm going to have to talk to Heather about this.
They both claimed to have beaten my younger brother. I had been directing Connor's (my brother) matches and when I went to the computer I saw two matches that I knew Connor hadn't fought. I asked Connor about it and he said he never fought those matches. It's really annoying because I can program all day but I can't make a program that senses lies. It really is dependent on honesty.
I can't think of a tactful way to break it to them that they can't lie. I've never been one for tact. I'm going to have to talk to Heather about this.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Test questions
I just finished up a test, which I'm pretty sure I aced but I can't be 100% positive. For example one question was:
"What are the two main characteristics of seedless vascular plants? (3 points)"
My answer was:
1) They don't have seeds.
2) They have vascular systems.
I actually used really long sentences but this pretty much sums it up. I looked over my notes afterward and couldn't figure out what he wanted. I'm just going to cross my fingers and hope for the best.
P.S. If anyone knows what sponges and their choanoflagellate ancestor have in common, I would be much obliged. I took a really random stab in the dark on that one.
"What are the two main characteristics of seedless vascular plants? (3 points)"
My answer was:
1) They don't have seeds.
2) They have vascular systems.
I actually used really long sentences but this pretty much sums it up. I looked over my notes afterward and couldn't figure out what he wanted. I'm just going to cross my fingers and hope for the best.
P.S. If anyone knows what sponges and their choanoflagellate ancestor have in common, I would be much obliged. I took a really random stab in the dark on that one.
Test-happy teachers
I bet most of you still thought finals week was one week. Gee, what rock have you guys been living under? This next week will be my last week of peace. After that I have eight tests in two weeks.
Most of you are thinking, but Duncan you only take four classes and Theatre class isn't even giving you a final. You would be right. In two weeks I will have eight tests in three subjects. What is this world coming too?
Not only that but Theatre, instead of contributing to my enormous number of tests has a "Final Project." I'm supposed to put on a scene from "Our Town" with my class complete with props and costumes. That will obviously not detract from the time I spend studying for tests in the slightest.
In addition, three of the tests are "cumulative" which means I'm going to have to remember everything I studied during the entire semester. Since I can't even remember what happened before spring break it looks like I'm doomed.
Most of you are thinking, but Duncan you only take four classes and Theatre class isn't even giving you a final. You would be right. In two weeks I will have eight tests in three subjects. What is this world coming too?
Not only that but Theatre, instead of contributing to my enormous number of tests has a "Final Project." I'm supposed to put on a scene from "Our Town" with my class complete with props and costumes. That will obviously not detract from the time I spend studying for tests in the slightest.
In addition, three of the tests are "cumulative" which means I'm going to have to remember everything I studied during the entire semester. Since I can't even remember what happened before spring break it looks like I'm doomed.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Oh man. I didn't get to dissect a rat.
Today my biology teacher is away at a conference. He was going to arrange a substitute teacher but it didn't happen. It's too bad because today we were supposed to dissect a starfish and a rat. Yeah, disappointing right? And I wanted to see if rat's organs really did look exactly like human's organs.
After fifteen minutes all the students left. It's a good thing these guys don't take my Theatre class because the teacher in there is always at least twenty minutes late.
What's funny is that during my first semester there was never a single cancelled class. This semester I have teachers who are constantly leaving town for extended periods of times and teachers who get sick and perish for the day. Weird.
He'll probably be back in town for next week's lab which will be: Ecology of a rotting log. Yahoo. I'm jumping for joy.
After fifteen minutes all the students left. It's a good thing these guys don't take my Theatre class because the teacher in there is always at least twenty minutes late.
What's funny is that during my first semester there was never a single cancelled class. This semester I have teachers who are constantly leaving town for extended periods of times and teachers who get sick and perish for the day. Weird.
He'll probably be back in town for next week's lab which will be: Ecology of a rotting log. Yahoo. I'm jumping for joy.
Thin-skinned prejudiced pessimist
Recently David has read what is apparently a very interesting book on personality analysis. When you are talking with him he will randomly pause as you talk, stare off into space, and then nod his had and say: "Yeah, you're a J." I'm apparently something like an NJ$*2P8 or something. It means something along the lines of: "You're a person who is quick to judge people, is wholly concentrated on the negative aspects of life, and takes others opinions too seriously." or something to that extent. I think the only compliment he's given me is "decisive" which is not much of a compliment when you realize the other choice was "cautious." I would rather be decisive than cautious though.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Conficker: Dark hybrid between the word 'configure' and a swear word created by Satan himself.
By the way, the swear word in question isn't an English swear word. I know what you were all thinking but that is only because your minds are base and questionable.
The actual swear word is 'ficker' a German word for a piece of anatomy that girls don't have, you guessed it: the brain.
It was supposed to go rampant today and take half a million souls straight to Satan's throne but apparently it wussified or something.
In reality this evil virus that shut down the royal British marines and the British airlines and the standing army of the Netherlands does nothing but keep you from downloading Windows updates. What has Britain come to that it goes into a panic when it can no longer upgrade its service centers? I think it is time to step in and forcefully annex them.
I'm serious, British airlines closed because it couldn't download its own flight schedules. This really shouldn't have been a problem because it's not like they follow these schedules or anything, but they shut down anyway on principle.
The actual swear word is 'ficker' a German word for a piece of anatomy that girls don't have, you guessed it: the brain.
It was supposed to go rampant today and take half a million souls straight to Satan's throne but apparently it wussified or something.
In reality this evil virus that shut down the royal British marines and the British airlines and the standing army of the Netherlands does nothing but keep you from downloading Windows updates. What has Britain come to that it goes into a panic when it can no longer upgrade its service centers? I think it is time to step in and forcefully annex them.
I'm serious, British airlines closed because it couldn't download its own flight schedules. This really shouldn't have been a problem because it's not like they follow these schedules or anything, but they shut down anyway on principle.
April fools!
General rule of the day: Don't believe the first words out of anyone's mouth. After that they get bored and forget that it is April Fools' day. I've heard that a couple guys (including Andrew) are planning something for fencing today so be prepared.
Now that I mention fencing, Super Program makes his debut today but being a trusting sort of chap I haven't programmed anything that will protect against practical jokes. (Plus that would have been hard.) I hope no one finds it funny to input a dozen matches that weren't actually held. Sigh.
My favorite joke of the day would have to be Luke's joke on Lexie. It went something like this:
Luke: *shakes Lexie awake* Guess what Lexie!
Lexie: What?
Luke: Uh...
Lexie: April fools?
Luke: *snaps fingers* Drat!
I am seriously not making this interaction up even though it is April Fools' day. It was the funniest lame thing I have ever seen.
Now that I mention fencing, Super Program makes his debut today but being a trusting sort of chap I haven't programmed anything that will protect against practical jokes. (Plus that would have been hard.) I hope no one finds it funny to input a dozen matches that weren't actually held. Sigh.
My favorite joke of the day would have to be Luke's joke on Lexie. It went something like this:
Luke: *shakes Lexie awake* Guess what Lexie!
Lexie: What?
Luke: Uh...
Lexie: April fools?
Luke: *snaps fingers* Drat!
I am seriously not making this interaction up even though it is April Fools' day. It was the funniest lame thing I have ever seen.
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