I woke up this morning after Dad had left for work. Mom's out of town, but the kids are supposed to do school anyway. So here's the revelation: You're supposed to do school anyway. Here I am meandering about and the kids are e-mailing friends, watching TV, playing with blocks, etc. It drives me nuts. I'm assuming that I'm in charge of making the siblings do their work since I'm the oldest responsible adult in the house. (besides Alexie, but she doesn't count.) Here are two typical meetings.
Act I, scene II
Setting is bonus room. Emily is watching Blue's Clues or some other infantile show of the like. She's probably watching the creepy show "Blue's house" where Blue talks and she has a new creepy sidekick/friend/white dog with green spots and a high nasal voice. Now I know why dogs don't talk. Connor is standing near the bonus room door holding his mathbook and completely entranced by the screen even though what he's watching him could not possibly interest him unless he had school to do.
Duncan: Connor. *Connor convulses suddenly as if he has been shocked with 1,000,000 volts.*
Connor: Uh... *Tries to leave the room through the door I am currently standing in. I grab his forehead and tilt his head back and gaze deep into his eyes.*
Duncan: Do your school.
Connor: Yes. *Runs away really fast to go stare at some other screen, like Luke's computer monitor. By the way, Luke is not doing his handwriting*
Act I, Scene II
Someone gets married, probably Heather.
Act I, Scene III
Someone dies, probably Douglas. Heather is torn, so she sings opera.
Act II, Scene IV
Duncan walks into the parents' room, the only room with computers connected to the Internet. There is Andrew typing away at the computer, e-mailing back and forth with people.
Duncan: Who are you talking to? Laura? Jacob?
Andrew: No, Matthew.
Duncan: What? Why?
Andrew: Jacob's not available.
Duncan: Maybe he's doing more important things like schoolwork.
Andrew: .........................
Duncan: *Ellipses are supposed to only have three dots* Well, how about you stop talking and go do your school?
Andrew: O.K. *Keeps typing*
Duncan: *Grabs keyboard* Don't worry, I'll wrap things up.
Andrew: *Grabs keyboard back* Just let me finish this up!
Duncan: How long?
Andrew: *Keeps typing* .............................
Duncan: Three minutes?
Andrew: Four.
Duncan: Three and a half.
Andrew: Fine.
Act I, Scene V
Four and a half minutes have passed since Act I, Scene IV.
Duncan: Andrew! GET OFF!
Andrew types something like "goodbye, hugs and kisses forever, love love, ha ha, I will never forget you, not even my flesh has been stripped from my bones, XXXOOO, Bie." Then exits hurriedly stage right.
Well, I've got to go. I have to adapt a scene from "Our Town" into a scene about a bunch of Indians. (Don't ask.) Bie.
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I guess you must have walked in near the end of Matthew and Andrew's chat, because for most of it, that was actually me. Matt left his email up while he was eating breakfast, so I talked to Andrew. I don't think he belived me at first, but I type so much faster than Matthew that it was obvious it couldn't be him.
ReplyDeleteMatthew took over, though, when he saw what was going on, and then tried to convince Andrew that it really was Matthew. That's one minus with chatting online as opposed to on the phone--there's no voice recognition factor. Hmm... Andrew neglected to mention that he was supposed to be doing his schoolwork; I wonder why.
Indeed, Jacob was doing more important things--like waking up and pretending to eat breakfast.
................
ReplyDeletePoor Duncan. I know what it's like to try and get siblings to do what they should be doing when they are unmodivated to do it.
ReplyDeleteP.S. Why doesn't Lexi count?
Wat was all that about Heather and Douglas?
ReplyDelete