Apparently, there was some sort of volcanic activity in Europe that covered the entire European world in darkness. People have been walking up to me and asking how is Heather. They are very worried. Anyway, yesterday Heather called and asked for a Ginger Snap recipe. (Super emergency right there.) Dad immediately followed up by asking how she was. She was mildly confused and asked him what the heck he was talking about. He told her that a volcano had exploded nearby and she was in critical danger. She told him that yes, they had been ordered to stay inside, but the sky outside was clear and bright. So much for that.
P.S. Douglas and Heather seem to have sustained minor damage to their taste buds. They had an ingenious idea to add oatmeal to ginger snaps. They call them Ginger Oat Snaps. Pray for them.
Showing posts with label Heather. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Heather. Show all posts
Monday, April 19, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Flos Duellatorum
Just for fun, I've been doing research on the crest-a-ma-bob that Heather brought into fencing yesterday. In case you didn't hear or weren't there, Heather dug up an ancient crest (turns out to be from the third oldest martial arts manuscript surviving) and showed it to us. There was a guy divided into seven sections, representing the seven guard positions, and in four sections there were animals: The lynx at the head, the tiger at the sword arm, the lion at the left arm, and the elephant at the feet. As Heather described it, the elephant was strength, the tiger was attack, the lion was defense, and the lynx was cleverness. Before you go any farther, I'll just say which people associated with which animals to give you a general idea of who associated with which characteristic:
Lynxes: Duncan, David, Matthew, Dylan, Kathryn, Grace, and Annie.
Elephants: Luke, Elliot, Aaron, Jacob, Michael
Tigers: Joseph, Connor, Oscar
Lions: Alex, William, Jared, Chris, Andrew V., Phillip
Just as an aside, the Lynxes won the huge battle. He he. Superior planning has always overcome superior force. (Yeah, I thought the Elephants were going to whoop up on everyone too, especially when they made an alliance with the Tigers.)
Oh yeah, now it is time to define what they really mean. I've read up on it and they are most literally fortitude, celerity, audacity, and prudence. Yeah, the lynx is "prudence." Sounds pretty lame right. Since it was translated from latin, I just counted it as a poor translation and changed it to "wisdom" or "intelligence." Oh yeah, as it turns out each animal has a motto that allows you to see exactly what sentiment they are representing:
Lynx: No other creature is able to see so clearly as me, the lynx, and by this I always reckon by compass and by measure
Tiger: I am the tiger. I am very quick to turn and run, that the arrow in the sky can never approach me.
Lion: None bears a more ardent heart than me, and I challenge anyone to battle.
Elephant: I am the Elephant and I have a castle for a burden. Never do I kneel down or lose my true place.
Just saying, the tiger has the wimpiest motto of all time. "I am very quick to turn and run"? Good luck selling that one to a fencer with an ounce of guts. The Lynx also doesn't seem incredibly manly to me. I suppose that's why our team was full of girls.
By the way, a long time ago I wrote a system of organizing fencers that is frightening similar to this and I've tried to apply the animals. Last summer David and I had a long talk about it and here's pretty much how it works: There are four types of fencers, Cunning, Aggressive, Defensive, and Direct. A cunning fencer is creative and uses disengages to defeat his opponent. He's like a baseball pitcher who uses nothing but breaking balls. An aggressive fencer attacks first and attacks repeatedly. A defensive fencer waits for his opponent's attack, parries, and then takes his attack. A direct fencer waits for an opening, and then attacks. I'd say if I apply the animals, Lynx would be cunning, Tiger would be aggressive, Lion would be defensive, and Elephant would be Direct.
Anyways, here's a summary:
Fiore Dei Liberi:
Lynx - A fencer with prudence, characterized by good point control and distance measurement
Tiger - A fencer with speed, characterized by keeping his distance and then moving in and out quickly after his attack
Lion - A fencer with courage, characterized by moving forward and relying on his bladework to defeat his opponent
Elephant - A fencer with endurance, characterized by good footwork and not wasting his energy
Heather:
Lynx - A fencer with intelligence, characterized by using disengages to defeat his opponent
Tiger - A fencer with ferocity, characterized by fast bladework
Lion - A fencer with skill, characterized by moving forward and relying on his bladework to defeat his opponent
Elephant - A fencer with strength, who attacks and doesn't need to fear his line of attack being broken. (As one author described using a pistol grip, he uses a hammer to do the work of a screwdriver.)
Duncan:
Lynx - A fencer with cunning, characterized by using disengages to defeat his opponent
Tiger - A fencer with ferocity, characterized by moving forward and attacking his opponent quickly and repeatedly
Lion - A fencer with patience, characterized by using a parry to open up a spot for attack
Elephant - A fencer with balance, characterized by using point control and footwork to exploit openings.
By the way, I'll put up a poll, just to see which one everyone likes best. If you stopped reading by the third paragraph because it was too much analysis, you don't need to vote.
Lynxes: Duncan, David, Matthew, Dylan, Kathryn, Grace, and Annie.
Elephants: Luke, Elliot, Aaron, Jacob, Michael
Tigers: Joseph, Connor, Oscar
Lions: Alex, William, Jared, Chris, Andrew V., Phillip
Just as an aside, the Lynxes won the huge battle. He he. Superior planning has always overcome superior force. (Yeah, I thought the Elephants were going to whoop up on everyone too, especially when they made an alliance with the Tigers.)
Oh yeah, now it is time to define what they really mean. I've read up on it and they are most literally fortitude, celerity, audacity, and prudence. Yeah, the lynx is "prudence." Sounds pretty lame right. Since it was translated from latin, I just counted it as a poor translation and changed it to "wisdom" or "intelligence." Oh yeah, as it turns out each animal has a motto that allows you to see exactly what sentiment they are representing:
Lynx: No other creature is able to see so clearly as me, the lynx, and by this I always reckon by compass and by measure
Tiger: I am the tiger. I am very quick to turn and run, that the arrow in the sky can never approach me.
Lion: None bears a more ardent heart than me, and I challenge anyone to battle.
Elephant: I am the Elephant and I have a castle for a burden. Never do I kneel down or lose my true place.
Just saying, the tiger has the wimpiest motto of all time. "I am very quick to turn and run"? Good luck selling that one to a fencer with an ounce of guts. The Lynx also doesn't seem incredibly manly to me. I suppose that's why our team was full of girls.
By the way, a long time ago I wrote a system of organizing fencers that is frightening similar to this and I've tried to apply the animals. Last summer David and I had a long talk about it and here's pretty much how it works: There are four types of fencers, Cunning, Aggressive, Defensive, and Direct. A cunning fencer is creative and uses disengages to defeat his opponent. He's like a baseball pitcher who uses nothing but breaking balls. An aggressive fencer attacks first and attacks repeatedly. A defensive fencer waits for his opponent's attack, parries, and then takes his attack. A direct fencer waits for an opening, and then attacks. I'd say if I apply the animals, Lynx would be cunning, Tiger would be aggressive, Lion would be defensive, and Elephant would be Direct.
Anyways, here's a summary:
Fiore Dei Liberi:
Lynx - A fencer with prudence, characterized by good point control and distance measurement
Tiger - A fencer with speed, characterized by keeping his distance and then moving in and out quickly after his attack
Lion - A fencer with courage, characterized by moving forward and relying on his bladework to defeat his opponent
Elephant - A fencer with endurance, characterized by good footwork and not wasting his energy
Heather:
Lynx - A fencer with intelligence, characterized by using disengages to defeat his opponent
Tiger - A fencer with ferocity, characterized by fast bladework
Lion - A fencer with skill, characterized by moving forward and relying on his bladework to defeat his opponent
Elephant - A fencer with strength, who attacks and doesn't need to fear his line of attack being broken. (As one author described using a pistol grip, he uses a hammer to do the work of a screwdriver.)
Duncan:
Lynx - A fencer with cunning, characterized by using disengages to defeat his opponent
Tiger - A fencer with ferocity, characterized by moving forward and attacking his opponent quickly and repeatedly
Lion - A fencer with patience, characterized by using a parry to open up a spot for attack
Elephant - A fencer with balance, characterized by using point control and footwork to exploit openings.
By the way, I'll put up a poll, just to see which one everyone likes best. If you stopped reading by the third paragraph because it was too much analysis, you don't need to vote.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Ode to Emily
Today is Emily's birthday, so this post is all about her. I saw her for the first time at about noon because I was gone at Angel Food starting at 5:00 in the morning. Heather made a cake of a pink poodle out of a lamb-shaped cake mold. Pretty awesome, right? The reason it is a pink poodle is because Emily's Webkinz, which is a type of stuffed animal, is also a pink poodle and she loves it to death. Of course, that is in part because Webkinz have an online site where you play addictive online games with your digital Webkinz. Emily is always agitating to be allowed on the computer to play Webkinz. Since there are only two computers that are connected to the internet, she is typically ignored. That is, on days that aren't her birthday.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Douglas Has Arrived
Status Report: After four days delay for snow and a missed flight in Texas, Douglas has arrived. Heather is much quieter this morning: She's probably more talkative online than in person when it comes to Douglas. Alexie has not come downstairs yet. Since Douglas was lain over in Texas for a while, he bought Emily a Sheriff's Badge, which is really great since we got Bang for Christmas and Emily and Luke have been really loving it. Dad loves it and plays it whenever we have five players, but the older kids minus myself are uncooperative and unenthusiastic. The problem is that Bang is not a game for kids under the age of five and the subtle intrigue often proves elusive for kids with the mental capacity of Emily, Luke, and Andrew. Maybe Douglas would play...
Thursday, December 24, 2009
New Years Dithering
I've put a request into the Party Czar (Dad) to have a New Years Eve party authorized, but it doesn't look like it'll happen. It'll probably be delayed for decision until Jan 2 if I know Dad. Dad says last time it ran too late and the little kids needed to sleep. (I think he's the one who wants the sleep most, actually.) I promised we'd keep it down to a dull roar. Nada. Heather suddenly bounced up and suggested that since New Years' Day is a Friday we could have a New Years' Fun. Ha. Who parties on New Years' Day besides college football fans? Puh-lease. Anyway, Dad really liked that idea and every time I bring up a New Years' Eve party he parries with a New Years' Day party. Ahhhh man.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Starcrossed Lovers
It is the most unfortunate news that I have to report today: Douglas is not coming into America today. Britain had the most violent snowstorm it has seen for many a year. All flights were cancelled. The soonest Douglas can get here by is the 27th. You can tell Britain is a socialist country because when flights are cancelled one day, flights are backed up for four days. Maybe more.
I haven't seen Heather today yet, and I don't intend to. Heather will be very snappish and short-tempered since she's been looking forward to this for so long. I'm planning mostly to either hide in my room or in Mom's room where the internet is. Anyway, Heather only leaves her room for meals so it shouldn't be too hard to evade her.
I haven't seen Heather today yet, and I don't intend to. Heather will be very snappish and short-tempered since she's been looking forward to this for so long. I'm planning mostly to either hide in my room or in Mom's room where the internet is. Anyway, Heather only leaves her room for meals so it shouldn't be too hard to evade her.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Scottish Tournament
Yay! Tournament on Wednesday! Starts at 2:00 instead of 3:00! Just in case any of you were about to show up an hour late to our tournament! Hooray! I don't know why, but Heather is calling it the Scottish Tournament. I mean, if she doesn't want to get teased mercilessly about her new hubby, why suddenly transform into a Scottish stereotype? She lives and breathes Scotland now! And she's still in America! Aagh! Anyway, show up to the tournament. It is one hour earlier than usual so don't show up on time because if you do, you will be late.
The Excel spreadsheet I created for the purpose of digitally recording and calculating scores does not look in the slightest bit Scotland-y. It is all bright colors and rainbows. I think I'm going to change it to Scottish type color schemes, but all Scottish colors are ugly: Forest greens with dark blues with burnt oranges. Yuck. Gag me with a spoon.
The Excel spreadsheet I created for the purpose of digitally recording and calculating scores does not look in the slightest bit Scotland-y. It is all bright colors and rainbows. I think I'm going to change it to Scottish type color schemes, but all Scottish colors are ugly: Forest greens with dark blues with burnt oranges. Yuck. Gag me with a spoon.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Heather in Trouble
I bet you guys have all noticed the lack of enormous monsters ripping down buildings in the vicinity. That's right, and I doubt we ever will have enormous monsters attack here in Chattanooga. After all, big important monsters like Godzilla and King Kong attack cities that are civilization centers of the world whose countries have very developed special effects technologies like New York or Tokyo. You know what that means right? Heather, of course, is in grave danger. She is currently in Edinburgh meaning that if Scotland were to suddenly develop a booming special effects industry she would be at high risk for monster attacks! (Although the first couple of monsters to strike would probably be hand-puppets.) I am so envious.
P.S. Wouldn't it be cool to watch monsters terrorize Edinburgh, knocking down castles and stomping 16th-century pubs?
P.S. Wouldn't it be cool to watch monsters terrorize Edinburgh, knocking down castles and stomping 16th-century pubs?
Monday, July 20, 2009
Duncanology
Ta-da! Despite the fact that none of you want to know this much useless information about me, I decided to post it anyway! If you don't already know all this stuff, you're not missing anything. Read on at the expense of a large number of otherwise free-to-learn-interesting-facts-about-life-and-God brain cells.
Food-ology
What is your favorite salad dressing?
Cucumber Ranch. (What a random first question.)
What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
Ryan's, of course! Although, I don't often go there unless I do something really special like graduate from high school or defeat Lord Voldemort.
What food could you eat for 2 weeks straight and not get sick of it?
Ramen, because I often do eat ramen for 2 weeks straight and I'm still not sick of it.
What are your pizza toppings of choice?
Mmmmm, Papa John's Pepperoni Pizza is so good.
What do you like to put on your toast?
Peanut butter and honey. I have been doing so since time began.
TECHNOLOGY
How many televisions are in your house?
Two.
What color cell phone do you have?
Black, the color of despair.
What does the first text message in your in box say and who sent it?
I don't text. I don't think I even can text.
Who was the last person to call you?
Hello, the law requires us to tell you that this is a debt collection agency...
BIOLOGY
Are you right-handed or left-handed?
Right.
Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
My wisdom teeth, I suppose.
What is the last heavy item you lifted?
A bunch of boxes of steak and other meats for Angel Food Ministries.
RANDOM-OLOGY
If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
Sure, why not? Information is power.
If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
If I HAD to change my name due to extenuating circumstances I'd change it to Logan Craft. It dances on the tongue quite nicely.
Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
Of course I would! Who WOULDN'T!?
DUMB-OLOGY
How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
Whenever Dad buys a new pair of flip-flops I wear it out to the mailbox to get the mail and then he can supposedly never wear them again because I ruined them or something. So he buys another new pair. I own about... Five and a half pairs.
When is the last time you had a run in with the cops?
When I drove through a store window.
Last person you talked to in person?
Dad, asking me whether I came into his room to talk to him or only check the computer.
Favorite Month(s)?
Fall. September-December
CURRENT-OLOGY
Missing someone?
Missing you. I ain't missing you. I ain't missing you at all. Missing you. Missing you. Missing you. No matter what my friends might say~!
Mood?
Braindead. I've been reading all day and that always does a number on me.
What are you listening to?
Someone setting the table for dinner.
Watching?
I'm on the computer, dolt-survey. I'm not watching anything.
Worrying about?
Andrew just frolicked into the room.
RANDOM-OLOGY
Last movie you saw?
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, OH YEH~!
Do you smile often?
Are you kidding? I can't stop! Not even if I just discovered that my fiancee is already cheating on me the night before the wedding!
Do you always answer your phone?
I never answer my phone.
It’s four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it?
Hello, the law requires us to inform you that this is a debt collection agency...
If you could change your eye color what would it be?
I take pride in my beautiful blue eyes.
Do you own a digital camera?
Yes. I haven't used it since last Random Fun, though.
Have you ever had a pet fish?
Yeah, Lexie won it at a carnival but it was dead before it got home.
Favorite Christmas song
Probably Garth Brooks' "Baby Jesus is Born."
What’s on your wish list for your birthday?
I already possess everything I could want.
Can you do pushups?
Yes, I can do approximately 50. (Yeh, it's lame.)
Can you do a chin up?
I can do approximately 5. (Yeh, it's lamer.)
Does the future make you more nervous or excited?
The future excites me. I can't wait for everything I'm preparing for to take effect.
What is the last song to make you cry?
I don't think any song has ever made me cry. The last time I felt sad while listening to a song was the "There Goes My Life" ending. Even though no one died.
Plans tonight?
RUF, BABY! I successfully got Mom to FORCE Lexie into driving me. (P.S. During the whole conversation, Heather refused to drive me because I was being "manic" and "manipulatory.")
Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
Yes. I doubt I ever have though. Things could always have gotten worse.
Name three things you bought yesterday.
Pizza for lunch, a ticket to Half-Blood Prince, and uh... a second piece of pizza for lunch (I guess.)
Have you ever been given roses?
I've been given flowers but I can't tell the difference between one flower and the next. They might have been carnations because that's the state flower of Garth McPherson.
Do you have an accent?
Since I live in the South, you could say I have a "General" accent which means I sound like I come Northern Virginia. (or the Midwest.)
Current hate right now?
Being tired.
What were you doing at 12 AM last night?
Listening to bible verses in my sleep. I still can't recite any of them though.
Food-ology
What is your favorite salad dressing?
Cucumber Ranch. (What a random first question.)
What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
Ryan's, of course! Although, I don't often go there unless I do something really special like graduate from high school or defeat Lord Voldemort.
What food could you eat for 2 weeks straight and not get sick of it?
Ramen, because I often do eat ramen for 2 weeks straight and I'm still not sick of it.
What are your pizza toppings of choice?
Mmmmm, Papa John's Pepperoni Pizza is so good.
What do you like to put on your toast?
Peanut butter and honey. I have been doing so since time began.
TECHNOLOGY
How many televisions are in your house?
Two.
What color cell phone do you have?
Black, the color of despair.
What does the first text message in your in box say and who sent it?
I don't text. I don't think I even can text.
Who was the last person to call you?
Hello, the law requires us to tell you that this is a debt collection agency...
BIOLOGY
Are you right-handed or left-handed?
Right.
Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
My wisdom teeth, I suppose.
What is the last heavy item you lifted?
A bunch of boxes of steak and other meats for Angel Food Ministries.
RANDOM-OLOGY
If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
Sure, why not? Information is power.
If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
If I HAD to change my name due to extenuating circumstances I'd change it to Logan Craft. It dances on the tongue quite nicely.
Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
Of course I would! Who WOULDN'T!?
DUMB-OLOGY
How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
Whenever Dad buys a new pair of flip-flops I wear it out to the mailbox to get the mail and then he can supposedly never wear them again because I ruined them or something. So he buys another new pair. I own about... Five and a half pairs.
When is the last time you had a run in with the cops?
When I drove through a store window.
Last person you talked to in person?
Dad, asking me whether I came into his room to talk to him or only check the computer.
Favorite Month(s)?
Fall. September-December
CURRENT-OLOGY
Missing someone?
Missing you. I ain't missing you. I ain't missing you at all. Missing you. Missing you. Missing you. No matter what my friends might say~!
Mood?
Braindead. I've been reading all day and that always does a number on me.
What are you listening to?
Someone setting the table for dinner.
Watching?
I'm on the computer, dolt-survey. I'm not watching anything.
Worrying about?
Andrew just frolicked into the room.
RANDOM-OLOGY
Last movie you saw?
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, OH YEH~!
Do you smile often?
Are you kidding? I can't stop! Not even if I just discovered that my fiancee is already cheating on me the night before the wedding!
Do you always answer your phone?
I never answer my phone.
It’s four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it?
Hello, the law requires us to inform you that this is a debt collection agency...
If you could change your eye color what would it be?
I take pride in my beautiful blue eyes.
Do you own a digital camera?
Yes. I haven't used it since last Random Fun, though.
Have you ever had a pet fish?
Yeah, Lexie won it at a carnival but it was dead before it got home.
Favorite Christmas song
Probably Garth Brooks' "Baby Jesus is Born."
What’s on your wish list for your birthday?
I already possess everything I could want.
Can you do pushups?
Yes, I can do approximately 50. (Yeh, it's lame.)
Can you do a chin up?
I can do approximately 5. (Yeh, it's lamer.)
Does the future make you more nervous or excited?
The future excites me. I can't wait for everything I'm preparing for to take effect.
What is the last song to make you cry?
I don't think any song has ever made me cry. The last time I felt sad while listening to a song was the "There Goes My Life" ending. Even though no one died.
Plans tonight?
RUF, BABY! I successfully got Mom to FORCE Lexie into driving me. (P.S. During the whole conversation, Heather refused to drive me because I was being "manic" and "manipulatory.")
Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
Yes. I doubt I ever have though. Things could always have gotten worse.
Name three things you bought yesterday.
Pizza for lunch, a ticket to Half-Blood Prince, and uh... a second piece of pizza for lunch (I guess.)
Have you ever been given roses?
I've been given flowers but I can't tell the difference between one flower and the next. They might have been carnations because that's the state flower of Garth McPherson.
Do you have an accent?
Since I live in the South, you could say I have a "General" accent which means I sound like I come Northern Virginia. (or the Midwest.)
Current hate right now?
Being tired.
What were you doing at 12 AM last night?
Listening to bible verses in my sleep. I still can't recite any of them though.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Life in general
Yawn, it's morning. Life goes on as usual. Mom is teaching, that's what she's always doing. Andrew is being taught, per usual. I can hear him reciting his Shakespeare part. Mom just called Lexie and reminded her to do class with Emily. Any second, she'll walk in and ask me where Luke is and whether he's finished with his math. Heather is still asleep, and she's probably still mad. I told her over and over that I didn't wipe snot on her bag, which is true, but she doesn't listen. (How's that for a weird statement. It's a long story so I won't bother boring you with it. Just be assured, I did not do anything so morbidly disgusting.) I think Luke is now asking Mom a question. That'll speed up the Mom-comes-looking-for-Duncan process. Looks like I've got to go. I can't put off teaching Luke any longer.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
National Gallery of Natural History
Yeah, we went there today. Heather, Lexie, Mom, David, and I went there at 10:00 today. At 1:00, the womenfolk left to see the National Gallery of Art, but David and I figured we hadn't had enough time to see everything so we skipped the National Gallery of Art. He he. Alright, so we got back today and one of our aunts asked what we had learned. Mom piped up, "We learned the difference between a brontosaurus and a wooly mammoth! Their teeth!" I wanted to add, "Yeah, and cause the brontosaurus is an enormous lizard with a really long neck and thick legs with scales while a wooly mammoth is an elephant with enormous tusks and thick fur." Instead I said, "No, Mom. That was the mastodon and the mammoth." As you can see, Mom never had the advantage of slamming plastic figures of dinosaurs against each other while saying "Raaa! Raaa!" like me.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Luck of the Devil
When we were on the family reunion the powers that be decided that all the kids would make a movie. Heather wrote a script for it, which had such a lame premise that every boy in the cast quit. Heather quit right after that and told us to make our own movie. So it was down to Kaitlin, Anna, Grace, and Kathryn. They wrote a script for a murder mystery. It wasn't a murder mystery like Murder She Wrote or Hercule Poirot or anything. It was more like Nancy Drew or some little kid mystery book or something. The plot was really convoluted and stuff. Anyways, I played the dangerous psychopathic person who errantly believed he had murdered his sister because his aunt told him so.
By the way, parents, I know that if any of these girls actually discovered a dangerous psychopath had murdered his own sister, they wouldn't confront him about it. They would know to contact a reasonable adult.
Anyway, all the filming was done in the three hours before it was supposed to be shown to the parents. It was really rushed. In fact, they got home while we were still editing it. We needed to save it to a CD, which took 30 minutes but we needed to show the parents the movie. What did we do to keep them from taking their children home to bed since it was after 10:00?
Well, here's where the luck of the devil factors in. Grandad and Grandma had this brilliant idea to create a three-hour slideshow presentation chronicling Grandma's entire life through pictures. Some of those pictures could qualify as antiques. So while the entire family sat through a presentation that I had already seen twice, I was downstairs poking Andrew and trying to make him make the computer save faster. (Not really. That was a joke. I was just down there glaring at the computer screen as it saved sloooooooooooooooooowly.)
In the end it all worked out. I'm still waiting to see if I live happily ever after, though.
By the way, parents, I know that if any of these girls actually discovered a dangerous psychopath had murdered his own sister, they wouldn't confront him about it. They would know to contact a reasonable adult.
Anyway, all the filming was done in the three hours before it was supposed to be shown to the parents. It was really rushed. In fact, they got home while we were still editing it. We needed to save it to a CD, which took 30 minutes but we needed to show the parents the movie. What did we do to keep them from taking their children home to bed since it was after 10:00?
Well, here's where the luck of the devil factors in. Grandad and Grandma had this brilliant idea to create a three-hour slideshow presentation chronicling Grandma's entire life through pictures. Some of those pictures could qualify as antiques. So while the entire family sat through a presentation that I had already seen twice, I was downstairs poking Andrew and trying to make him make the computer save faster. (Not really. That was a joke. I was just down there glaring at the computer screen as it saved sloooooooooooooooooowly.)
In the end it all worked out. I'm still waiting to see if I live happily ever after, though.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Stars in My Eyes
Today I was daydreaming. Yes, I daydream. I was thinking to myself "Hm. If Obama enacts universal health care, what could I do? Well, it will chase doctors out of the markets, so I would be more secure in my job, and if it gets competitive, I'm sure I'm smart enough to survive. And if it turns into a who-you-know instead of what-you-know system, I'm so affable that I could certainly survive. In fact, I think I could thrive under this system if I stay on the cutting edge of teleradiology, and if I'm one of the few radiologists in America and stay cheap enough to compete with job exportations to countries that will soon be more free and capitalist than America, then I could live anywhere I want as all my business comes to me digitally. Anyway, if Rathke succeeds in globalizing ACORN then he could crash the entire global economy and I won't even have to worry about-"
"Hey," Grandma said, causing me to realize that I had just been talking to her. "Where are you?"
"In the future," I replied. Hey. Am I always this stupid or was I just half-asleep? That's a pretty poor response.
"Oh? And what are you thinking about?"
"Universal health care," I said, honestly.
"You were not," Grandma replied indignantly. I was slightly taken aback.
"No, that was honestly it."
"Well," Grandma said, "You don't have to tell me what you were thinking about." Then she gave me the look, so I knew what she was thinking. The only other time she uses that look is when she asks Heather about Douglas.
"No Grandma, that was really it."
"Well, I was just thinking, you had such a contented expression on your face, I figured you were thinking about having a wife and kids and a house." Seriously. I bet you often wonder what your grandparents think you are thinking. Now you know that you don't want to know.
So apparently, I get a dopey look on my face when I think about exploiting my country. Am I... stupid?
"Hey," Grandma said, causing me to realize that I had just been talking to her. "Where are you?"
"In the future," I replied. Hey. Am I always this stupid or was I just half-asleep? That's a pretty poor response.
"Oh? And what are you thinking about?"
"Universal health care," I said, honestly.
"You were not," Grandma replied indignantly. I was slightly taken aback.
"No, that was honestly it."
"Well," Grandma said, "You don't have to tell me what you were thinking about." Then she gave me the look, so I knew what she was thinking. The only other time she uses that look is when she asks Heather about Douglas.
"No Grandma, that was really it."
"Well, I was just thinking, you had such a contented expression on your face, I figured you were thinking about having a wife and kids and a house." Seriously. I bet you often wonder what your grandparents think you are thinking. Now you know that you don't want to know.
So apparently, I get a dopey look on my face when I think about exploiting my country. Am I... stupid?
Friday, June 19, 2009
Plagueograph
Yeah, since Mrs. K. posted on disease in her family, I started thinking about whenever viruses hit our family. I could have left a comment, but it seemed to me to merit an entire blog post seeing as it has not much to do with the K's being sick. When McPhersons get sick, it typically does not spread to all of us. What happens is that one kid comes home with a sickness, say Andrew for example, and then the two kids on either side of him get sick, i.e. David and Duncan. Then one of the people on either side of them gets sick, i.e. Grace or Lexie. Then it stops. It just gets tired.
Common Cold Strain 1: How many more of these kids do I have to infect?
Common Cold Strain 2: Hah? You've only done half of them yet.
Common Cold Strain 1: What! You've got to be kidding me. Of all twenty-some strains of cold I had to get stuck with the Mormon family.
Alright, so we're not Mormon. But how are common colds supposed to know that? Anyways, after two links on the chain it exhausts itself and gives up the ghost. Victory once again for the McPherson family~!
Of course I have also mapped the three people who I notice getting sick a lot. These are the three people who typically start the ball rolling:
Heather-Goes to college, picks something up around finals week, infects everyone. Lexie and I have been going to college for a year now and so far we have not picked up anything. Heather typically picks up three diseases a semester (or more depending on how many tests she has coming.)
Grace-Goes to a friend's house, picks up some disease, comes back and infects everyone. In my opinion Grace should have less friends.
Andrew-Andrew gets sick, mopes around the house until I say "Andrew! Stop acting sick! Do your job!" And then I get sick. God has a "sick" sense of humor.
Common Cold Strain 1: How many more of these kids do I have to infect?
Common Cold Strain 2: Hah? You've only done half of them yet.
Common Cold Strain 1: What! You've got to be kidding me. Of all twenty-some strains of cold I had to get stuck with the Mormon family.
Alright, so we're not Mormon. But how are common colds supposed to know that? Anyways, after two links on the chain it exhausts itself and gives up the ghost. Victory once again for the McPherson family~!
Of course I have also mapped the three people who I notice getting sick a lot. These are the three people who typically start the ball rolling:
Heather-Goes to college, picks something up around finals week, infects everyone. Lexie and I have been going to college for a year now and so far we have not picked up anything. Heather typically picks up three diseases a semester (or more depending on how many tests she has coming.)
Grace-Goes to a friend's house, picks up some disease, comes back and infects everyone. In my opinion Grace should have less friends.
Andrew-Andrew gets sick, mopes around the house until I say "Andrew! Stop acting sick! Do your job!" And then I get sick. God has a "sick" sense of humor.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Shakespeare, NC style
Alright, so I suddenly and violently remembered that I had 3/4 of my lines due tomorrow. About five hours ago I only had 77 out of 150. Now, I have 130, which counts. Phew. I was scared I might not be ready for a minute there.
Now the only problem is putting some life into these lines. I've had it up to here with my Heather's (my "Director's") snide comments about how lifeless and dull my performance is. When I'm practicing she'll occasionally say something like "Pfft. I wonder how miserable my life would be if I was being outdone by a fourteen-year-old. (Reference to Matthew M_______.)" She's so annoying. I'm glad she is not here in NC and I can practice in relative peace. Grandma only comes in every few minutes and asks me why I'm moving my mouth obscurely.
Now the only problem is putting some life into these lines. I've had it up to here with my Heather's (my "Director's") snide comments about how lifeless and dull my performance is. When I'm practicing she'll occasionally say something like "Pfft. I wonder how miserable my life would be if I was being outdone by a fourteen-year-old. (Reference to Matthew M_______.)" She's so annoying. I'm glad she is not here in NC and I can practice in relative peace. Grandma only comes in every few minutes and asks me why I'm moving my mouth obscurely.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Ultimate Cosmic Power
Hey Grandad's ranking system really is great! Today, I arrived in North Carolina at about 4:30. I was promptly taken to a Republicans' training meeting where Grandad showed an one-hour presentation he had made toting every possible aspect of his new ranking system. (Sound familiar? I really like Grandad.) It was really awesome. Every now and then one of the ladies in the crowd would say something like "Oooooooh. You must be a genius." or "Gasp! I never knew there was something so amazing in your ranking system!" Whereupon Grandad would look smug and continue. I wish I could have such support during my presentations. I just get cruel snickers from Evelyn and Douglas. Growl.
But hey, this ranking system really is amazing. Every single person in every single precinct is counted. It's one thing when you are told that there are 3461 Republicans in Precinct 12. It's another when you hear that there are 8 Libertarians. I mean, there are so few libertarians that I wouldn't even care enough to put them in. Grandad put them in and each of them have their names, addresses, etc. recorded. And speaking of how well their information is recorded, I just have to say that it is amazing. I can find out anything about anyone including their registered party, what years they have voted, how they voted, cell phone numbers, household size, and deepest darkest secrets. (P.S. Last one was the joke FYI.) It makes me power drunk. Bwa ha ha ha ha.
But hey, this ranking system really is amazing. Every single person in every single precinct is counted. It's one thing when you are told that there are 3461 Republicans in Precinct 12. It's another when you hear that there are 8 Libertarians. I mean, there are so few libertarians that I wouldn't even care enough to put them in. Grandad put them in and each of them have their names, addresses, etc. recorded. And speaking of how well their information is recorded, I just have to say that it is amazing. I can find out anything about anyone including their registered party, what years they have voted, how they voted, cell phone numbers, household size, and deepest darkest secrets. (P.S. Last one was the joke FYI.) It makes me power drunk. Bwa ha ha ha ha.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Oh happiness!
Just the other day I got help via phone from Uncle Billy to recover the hard drive of the computer that has strayed from the path of God. It was really complicated and stuff, but it all worked out in the end. I have now recovered a lot of things that I probably didn't need. The most important thing I've recovered, however, is the data for SUPER PROGRAM!!!
This summer he will undergo and alteration... He will become more powerful, less flippant, able to calculate scores within seconds, efficient enough not to exit every ten seconds for lack of memory, with the capacity to sort people into pods based on who they have already fenced and who they need to fence, putting everyone's scores into separate areas so that you can't easily compare them, and it will probably solve World Hunger too. Of course, Don Heath Bar will probably not allow Super Program (Or his new altered improved Uber-ified name) to see the light of day if she has anything to do with it, but hey, what's a super hero without a super villain?
This summer he will undergo and alteration... He will become more powerful, less flippant, able to calculate scores within seconds, efficient enough not to exit every ten seconds for lack of memory, with the capacity to sort people into pods based on who they have already fenced and who they need to fence, putting everyone's scores into separate areas so that you can't easily compare them, and it will probably solve World Hunger too. Of course, Don Heath Bar will probably not allow Super Program (Or his new altered improved Uber-ified name) to see the light of day if she has anything to do with it, but hey, what's a super hero without a super villain?
Monday, May 18, 2009
Early Education
Yesterday Heather was cleaning out the refridgerator while Andrew and I, being helpful chivalrous brothers, watched her. Suddenly Emily frisked by and shouted "Obama is stupid!" Andrew looked at me. He figured that whatever was happening was my fault because it had to do with politics. Heather just looked extremely shocked.
"Emily!" She yelped. "What did you say?"
"Obama is stupid," Emily said, "Because he gets rid of babies!" Then she frisked off as if nothing had happened. As you can see, we begin educating our children extremely early. Dad, when the story was later related to him, suggested that since Emily was herself a baby the issue was rather close to her heart. Personally, I think it has something to do with the fact that Emily has participated in the Walk for Life every year for her entire life. It's one thing to sit your kids down and explain justice to them, but it drives the message home much stronger to make your children go out and fight for it.
"Emily!" She yelped. "What did you say?"
"Obama is stupid," Emily said, "Because he gets rid of babies!" Then she frisked off as if nothing had happened. As you can see, we begin educating our children extremely early. Dad, when the story was later related to him, suggested that since Emily was herself a baby the issue was rather close to her heart. Personally, I think it has something to do with the fact that Emily has participated in the Walk for Life every year for her entire life. It's one thing to sit your kids down and explain justice to them, but it drives the message home much stronger to make your children go out and fight for it.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Bad Passenger
I've come to the conclusion that I am a pretty good driver and everyone else is simply a bad passenger with a bunch of bad attitudes. While driving with Heather she said to me: "If I have to scream one more time, I will never take you driving again." I thought to myself "Well, you don't HAVE to scream, you only do that because you're retarded."
In addition I was driving somewhere I had never driven before and Heather gave me the wrong instructions. She told me to get into the right lane, which turned out to be a right turn only lane to get onto the interstate going the direction opposite to the one we wanted to go, so she yelled a bit and had me merge two lanes of traffic to get into the left lane which would turn onto the interstate going the right direction. Pssh.
Also, she is unduly obsessed with how I drive too close to the right side of the lane. "Duncan," she screams, "I am like SEVEN INCHES away from the car next to me!"
"Well, duh," I think, "The lanes are only a foot or two wider than our car."
The dumbest thing is that if I went any farther left I would crash into a concrete wall.
"You have a shoulder there and then a concrete wall," she sniffs airily. Personally, I would rather let the fast moving car to the right of me shave off the right side of the car and get rid of this annoying passenger.
In addition I was driving somewhere I had never driven before and Heather gave me the wrong instructions. She told me to get into the right lane, which turned out to be a right turn only lane to get onto the interstate going the direction opposite to the one we wanted to go, so she yelled a bit and had me merge two lanes of traffic to get into the left lane which would turn onto the interstate going the right direction. Pssh.
Also, she is unduly obsessed with how I drive too close to the right side of the lane. "Duncan," she screams, "I am like SEVEN INCHES away from the car next to me!"
"Well, duh," I think, "The lanes are only a foot or two wider than our car."
The dumbest thing is that if I went any farther left I would crash into a concrete wall.
"You have a shoulder there and then a concrete wall," she sniffs airily. Personally, I would rather let the fast moving car to the right of me shave off the right side of the car and get rid of this annoying passenger.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Smelly Flowers
Heather's graduation was last night and we received a ton of flowers. Everyone figured that since we told them they couldn't bring presents they would bring flowers because, since no one likes them, they don't count as presents. Pretty sneaky, right?
Anyway, there is one bouquet that smells really strong. I'm not saying they smell bad, because they don't. They only smell strong. Standing within one foot of them would kill a horse. We had them in the living room but then people sitting around talking started collapsing so we had to move them. Anyway they are now located in the boys' room to cover the smell of "rotting tuna fish" as my mother puts it. We haven't figured out where that smell comes from but since we have something that smells worse readily at hand, we can just cover it up instead of fixing it.
Anyway, there is one bouquet that smells really strong. I'm not saying they smell bad, because they don't. They only smell strong. Standing within one foot of them would kill a horse. We had them in the living room but then people sitting around talking started collapsing so we had to move them. Anyway they are now located in the boys' room to cover the smell of "rotting tuna fish" as my mother puts it. We haven't figured out where that smell comes from but since we have something that smells worse readily at hand, we can just cover it up instead of fixing it.
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