Politics

What struck me at tonight's political pow-wow was how few people under the age of forty there were. I realized this when the speaker, Judge Mike Carter, was talking about how everything we do is for the future and for our children. If that's so, how come the people with the most vested interest in the matter are the ones lazing about? The people who currently fight the hardest are the people who will be dead before the repercussions of Obama's ludicrous healthcare bill are actually felt! One guy there had been a "tax accessor" for 80 years! This guy isn't even going to live until 2012 when the healthcare bill goes into effect!

I saw two young people there besides myself. They were talking to each other about Facebook and their friend who didn't show up. I was glad to see young blood. Turned out they were Zach Wamp's two children. Please people! Fight the good fight! It's for your future!

Dinner

Alexie and I have been splitting dinners. The problem we've been having recently is how to split them. It was easy during the school year, because our schedules were so routine. I was gone on Wednesdays and Thursdays, she was gone Mondays. Now, however, it seems like no week has the same routine. One week she got together with her friends five days of the week. The next week I go out almost every afternoon. It has become a sort of "Whoever is here cooks" kind of schedule. Not very rigorous, but it suits me just fine since I'm always off to somewhere exciting. Tonight I go to a fuddy-duddy cookout for Zach Wamp, Republican candidate for governor. Hooray! Politics!

Bio-enginnered Soldiers

I have recently been alerted to disturbing news. In my e-mail inbox I discovered that Ohio liberals are constructing human animal hybrids! Now they say that this research will cure many currently incurable diseases. Poppycock, say I! When did human animal hybrids ever cure AIDS? Hm? No. Obviously this medicine mumbo jumbo is just a cover for Obama's construction of an army of bio-engineered human animal soldiers to enslave America!! As a small-government man, I demand that Ohionians put an immediate stop to government's meddling! Imagine someday having your throat ripped out by Jaguar Man or being able to adopt a cute little Puppy Man from the local pound! Disgusting!!!!!

Shirts

Sometimes as I wander around campus someone will comment on my shirt and I will only just realize that I have been wearing a statement. For example, right now I am wearing my shirt with a face of Ronald Reagan on it. Earlier in the semester a random guy in my class complimented me for it. It turned out that he was the president of the College Republicans and invited me to join it. Weird coincedences. I haven't taken him up on it and am trying to avoid talking to him because it seems kind of rude not to show up to a club when you are personally invited.

Other shirts I have include shirts with Winston Churchill quotes on the back, dozens of mildly pro-life shirts, one shirt that is rabidly pro-life: As a former fetus, I oppose abortion!, shirts with Republican logos like Don't Tread on Me! and Viva la Revolucion!, etc.

I also noticed that in class I am always acting like there are two sides to the argument. You know, keep your head down, when your teacher says something slightly controversial and some student somewhere in the back makes some sort of moron comment picking a fight with everyone in the room, just ignore them. Or if I am called upon to answer a question that I could totally pick fights on, usually questions on politics and current events, I tend to give measured answers. However my shirts betray me. No matter how measured and reasonable I act I am in truth a Rabid Republican.

Bureaucracy

Yesterday I heard a story from my parents' youth which was so funny, I decided to post it here. When Mom and Dad were dating, Mom came over to Dad's family's apartment to visit. Dad's apartment was on the third floor. Anyway, while visiting Grandma asked Mom to run a letter out to the mail chute. Mom sprinted over, tried to put the mail in, but the mail chute was full. She couldn't stuff it in. She reported back so then Grandma called the front desk. They went to check what was up and it turned out that the chute was full of mail up to third floor. At this point they were thinking, "What the heck? Where is that mailman?" As it turned out the mailman had died and the postal service hadn't noticed. The postal service quickly fixed the error by hiring a new guy and the day was saved. Isn't the federal government incredible? To run a business that doesn't even notice when one of its employees dies and therefore stops reporting in to work?

Top Topics

After much clicking and studying, I've found out my top five topics of blogging this year. The winner was Andrew with 28, which is unfortunate because I usually badmouth Andrew in posts about him. The next three topics all clocked in at 27: Alexie (posts where Alexie comes in and says something either snide or hilarious), Mom (posts where Mom comes in and either tell me something I don't want to hear or worries about me too much), and School (whining). The last one, Politics with 26 posts, was probably bolstered by my trip to North Carolina as 16 of my 26 posts on this topic were written there. I have 223 posts overall since I started on March 30th. This amounts to about 5.78 posts a week, or 0.83 posts a day. Although I would have been much happier to have a round 1.00 posts a day, I guess I'll just have to make do with my lack of insight. (or I could just publish 77 more posts, including this one.)

The Problem with Jokes in Poor Taste

Hoorah! Ann Coulter came to our campus and talked!!! It was fully awesome. But! There was a problem. When I was driving home Alexie asked me what she talked about.

"Gah! I don't know," I replied, "Just Democrats, really." Ann Coulter was supposedly talking about the state of the nation, but with Democrats controlling the government, Democrats are the state of the nation.

"That sounds really boring," Lexie said.

"Ooh! But there were a lot of really funny jokes!" I said.

"Hm?"

"Well, there was one about how David Letterman subjugates his employees into sex items!"

"That is not funny."

"Well, no it's not. But I laughed!"

There's the problem with Jokes in Poor Taste. (I capitalize random things like C.S. Lewis does.) If you weren't there, it isn't funny. TBQH, I really shouldn't laugh at those jokes anyway.

Yes/100

Yesterday I got my Political Science test back. I had to answer five essay questions of varying lengths and point amounts. When I got it back it said "A" on the top and had a checkmark next to each essay. So on the first essay, out of fifty possible points I got "check" and then on my next essay worth 40 points I got a "check" and on the 30 pointer, and on the 20 pointer, and the ten pointer, and the two extra credit 20 pointers, check, check, check, check, check. So after he summed up all the 'checks' the total came to A/100 possible points. Makes sense I guess.

P.S. The guy next to me complained about not knowing how many checks he could afford not to get on the next test. This made me realize that the only reason you would need to know your score was if you were planning to fail the next test.

Ann Coulter is SELLING OUT!

All right, so admittedly Ann Coulter can't sell out because it is a free event, but just this morning I got an UTC-MEMO stating that because interest has been booming, they need people to send in an e-mail stating that they will be there. One e-mail per person so that the secretary can just count the e-mails or something. If you are going, make sure to send in your e-mail to sarah-gard@utc.edu!

First Test

Oh boy, oh boy. First test of the season is tonight. I get to show my wowwy dowwy pizzazz know how of politics to the world. He's told us what two of the huge essay questions will be. See how hard you think they are:

1) Explain how the Declaration of Independence was cribbed off of John Locke.

2) Is America a Republic or a Democracy? Explain the differences.

Well, luckily I said "rabbit rabbit" first thing this morning, so luck will be on my side. Yay!

Ann Coulter

HEY GUYS! GUESS WHAT? ANN COULTER IS COMING TO UTC~!

So I opened my e-mail and there were a bunch of moronic UTC-MEMO's which I promptly selected in order to delete, but there sandwiched between "Job Offer Fair for Freshmen" and "Idiot Frat House Seeks Members" was "Ann Coulter comes to UTC to speak." BLAM-O! I instantly stopped deleting and began reading. Apparently the Women's Studies Dept. (Morons) have invited Ann Coulter to give a speech that will be "critiqued" by two of their professors. I can't wait to go! It's Oct. 5 and IT'S SO EXCITING I GET TO SEE ANN COULTER LIIIIIIIIIIIVE.

I'll probably leave after Ann Coulter stops talking and gives the podium to the idiot professors, but whatever.

P.S. For all you people who don't know what Ann Coulter wrote but probably do know who wrote "To Kill A Mockingbird," (I only found out today. I feel stoopid.) read some of my June posts about her AWESOME POSSUM books, "Godless" and "Guilty." The blog posts are named "Perpuated Falsehoods."

What We Learned Today

Today, I've figured out something important, I would much rather work for charity than work for nothing. Today I helped out Angel Food Ministries, which is a very satisfying thing to do, helping the poor afford food and stuff. Anyone wanting to do so full time should get a job at Wal-Mart. Anyways, I helped unload the truck that delivered food to our church so we could sell it to people at a highly reduced cost. At that point I was supposed to go home with one of my neighbors who was also helping unload the truck, but instead I stayed because I noticed many of my other neighbors were there for the second part (distributing the food to the people who bought it) and I knew they could drive me home later.

Anyways, I greatly enjoyed staying. One reason I didn't want to go home would be that I was off from chores for helping with Angel Food. I'd still be off from chores even if I went home at the designated time (8:00), but if I went home at 8:00 then I would have to endure all my siblings shooting me nasty looks as they did my chores and I lounged on a sofa. Anyways, I discovered that volunteering my time for a ministry instead of doing menial grunt work is a trade-off I would make any time.

This will come in handy when I am a doctor and Obama expects me to work for nothing. He will pay me for the first few months of the year and stop when I reach my salary cap. Now I know what to do. I'll take an extended leave of absence from work and volunteer my time at a ministry that could use my medical abilities. You might be thinking, "Hey! There's no difference between volunteering your time to work for the government and volunteering your time to work for charity!" But you would be wrong. Dumbledore knows the difference, and so did Harry's parents, and so does Harry, so that's all that matters.

Dr. Obama

So, I was chilling in the living room reading my completely biased Republican propaganda, the Limbaugh Letter, when Luke meandered in. I was reading an article called "Dr. Obama Strangelove," which was pretty insulting although I didn't see what it had to do with Dr. Strangelove. It was more like, "Obama is spending all our money and Nancy Pelosi is quoted as not caring." Anyways, Luke sidled up to me and stared over my shoulder for a minute.

"So," he said in a conversational tone, "I see that Obama has become a doctor."

Washington D.C.

I arrived in Washington D.C. a few hours ago. Ta-da! Here I am. One thing I learned quickly is that the entire thing is greatly democratized. Everything runs on clean energy and the democrat work ethic has permeated most walks of life. For example, we went to a pool where after 45 minutes of work, a life guard would take 15 minutes of break when no one could get in the pool. Dad had strong opinions on the issue.

Speaking of politics, I found out what class I'm taking next semester to fill up my last three hours. POLS at 5:30-8:00 on Tuesday. Andrew needs the computer now, so I'm scramming.

Summer of Forgotten Dreams

Today I woke up and realized I hadn't even started revamping Super Program yet. Darn. There were a lot of things I intended to do while I was here, but it seems that all of them have been forgotten. Mostly I've just been running around doing political stuff interspersed with break time wherein I read political books. I also read political magazines and watch political news. I am so politic'ed up! Yet, I haven't done anything that I wanted to do. For some reason, I'm not that upset about it either. I'll just take it on the chin and dedicate some empty day at home to it.

Shameless Plugs

This is actually a pretty bad time to be watching Fox News since both Beck and O'reilly have come out with new books and really enjoy talking about how well they are doing. Snooze. Go back to the Tiller Murder investigation and the ACORN money-embezzling scandal.

I've recently finished reading Glenn Beck's Common Sense. In it he makes the arguments that neither the Republican Party nor the Democratic Party stand for the American people anymore. He's calling for people to jump ship on both sides and become Independents who vote for people who run for neither party but do represent your values. What's really funny is that while all this is happening is that the Wake Republican Party is running a Turn-All-Independents-Into-Republicans Voter Registration Drive. So we're bumping into all these people who got it into their heads to jump ship and now we're dragging them back. Not working too well.

I appreciate Ann Coulter, who wrote Godless, saying when she was on Beck's show being interviewed about his book that Republicans aren't as bad as Democrats. They're moving towards Democrats but they're not as bad as they are yet. That's a distinction I'm glad she made since otherwise it makes me feel like a dummy working so hard to build up a party that everyone claims is going belly up and should go belly up.

Stars in My Eyes

Today I was daydreaming. Yes, I daydream. I was thinking to myself "Hm. If Obama enacts universal health care, what could I do? Well, it will chase doctors out of the markets, so I would be more secure in my job, and if it gets competitive, I'm sure I'm smart enough to survive. And if it turns into a who-you-know instead of what-you-know system, I'm so affable that I could certainly survive. In fact, I think I could thrive under this system if I stay on the cutting edge of teleradiology, and if I'm one of the few radiologists in America and stay cheap enough to compete with job exportations to countries that will soon be more free and capitalist than America, then I could live anywhere I want as all my business comes to me digitally. Anyway, if Rathke succeeds in globalizing ACORN then he could crash the entire global economy and I won't even have to worry about-"
"Hey," Grandma said, causing me to realize that I had just been talking to her. "Where are you?"
"In the future," I replied. Hey. Am I always this stupid or was I just half-asleep? That's a pretty poor response.
"Oh? And what are you thinking about?"
"Universal health care," I said, honestly.
"You were not," Grandma replied indignantly. I was slightly taken aback.
"No, that was honestly it."
"Well," Grandma said, "You don't have to tell me what you were thinking about." Then she gave me the look, so I knew what she was thinking. The only other time she uses that look is when she asks Heather about Douglas.
"No Grandma, that was really it."
"Well, I was just thinking, you had such a contented expression on your face, I figured you were thinking about having a wife and kids and a house." Seriously. I bet you often wonder what your grandparents think you are thinking. Now you know that you don't want to know.
So apparently, I get a dopey look on my face when I think about exploiting my country. Am I... stupid?

Common Sense, by Glenn Beck

There are two types of political books in this world: Those which motivate you and those which depress you. (Actually three, including those that are just boring, but I don't read those for too long.) Common Sense is the kind that depresses you. Glenn Beck's point, since he is a libertarian, is that the people who wasted their vote in the last Pennsylvania senate race aren't the people who voted third-party, but the people who voted for Arlen Specter and were stabbed in the back. He's got a point there, but it is a very depressing one. The last time Republicans tried a massive shift to a third party we elected Bill Clinton. Beck says that our government is insane for instating socialism because "insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting a different result." Doesn't the same rule apply for swinging over to third parties though? It hasn't worked since before the Civil War. Why are we still trying?

Foul!

Grandad came down to breakfast a few days ago and announced:
"I have proof that the Democrats used voter fraud to steal the last North Carolina election!"
Ta-da! This could totally get my Grandad an interview on one of the four major networks.
"So?" Grandma asked.
Grandad began to explain but Grandma cut him off: "I don't want to hear politics over breakfast."
Anyways, what happened was that the State Board of Elections counted all votes that didn't have identies attached to them, which is illegal. You can technically come in and say "My name is Duncan McPherson and I would like to vote." and they would count it BUT you have to leave an address behind that is valid. It turns out that none of these voters left addresses meaning every time you look at the State Board of Elections it has inserted a plethora of voters who "registered this year" who do not have addresses. That is like leaving a path of destruction and knocked down trees when the main characters are all wondering: "Hm? Do you think there's a monster running around these woods?" Foul! These people should be thrown in prison! Grandad has sent this information to his elected official. Hopefully something will be done.

Propogandization

Today I babysat for the Robinsons. I took care of Anna, Bryce, and Meredith. So as I sat around the table with them irresponsibly letting them eat junk food, Bryce piped up, "Hey Duncan? You know what would be cool?"
"What?" said I.
"If all the trucks were destroyed and made into trucks that didn't pollute," said Bryce.
"What!?" I exclaimed, "Where did you hear this?"
"I just think this," said Bryce.
"Was this your teacher's idea?" I asked.
"Yes," said Bryce.
Hmmmmm. Right there I felt like taking Bryce aside and explaining that the amount of coal burning necessary to generate the electricity for a truck produces more pollution that burning gasoline. Instead, I just played Pretty Pretty Princess with Meredith.