Luck of the Devil

When we were on the family reunion the powers that be decided that all the kids would make a movie. Heather wrote a script for it, which had such a lame premise that every boy in the cast quit. Heather quit right after that and told us to make our own movie. So it was down to Kaitlin, Anna, Grace, and Kathryn. They wrote a script for a murder mystery. It wasn't a murder mystery like Murder She Wrote or Hercule Poirot or anything. It was more like Nancy Drew or some little kid mystery book or something. The plot was really convoluted and stuff. Anyways, I played the dangerous psychopathic person who errantly believed he had murdered his sister because his aunt told him so.

By the way, parents, I know that if any of these girls actually discovered a dangerous psychopath had murdered his own sister, they wouldn't confront him about it. They would know to contact a reasonable adult.

Anyway, all the filming was done in the three hours before it was supposed to be shown to the parents. It was really rushed. In fact, they got home while we were still editing it. We needed to save it to a CD, which took 30 minutes but we needed to show the parents the movie. What did we do to keep them from taking their children home to bed since it was after 10:00?

Well, here's where the luck of the devil factors in. Grandad and Grandma had this brilliant idea to create a three-hour slideshow presentation chronicling Grandma's entire life through pictures. Some of those pictures could qualify as antiques. So while the entire family sat through a presentation that I had already seen twice, I was downstairs poking Andrew and trying to make him make the computer save faster. (Not really. That was a joke. I was just down there glaring at the computer screen as it saved sloooooooooooooooooowly.)

In the end it all worked out. I'm still waiting to see if I live happily ever after, though.

1+2=4

Grandad was really mad at Aunt Jennifer today for taking apart something he worked two hours to create just yesterday. He was explaining this to Grandma over dinner:
"And Paul (Jennifer's Husband) can't lift that all by himself! It took four people last time to lift it." Grandad said, consumed by a furious passion.
"Four people? I hope you weren't one of those four because your doctor said no heavy lifting," Grandma said.
"Oh, I wasn't," said Grandad off-handedly.
"Who was?" Grandma asked.
"Oh well, Duncan," Grandad said indicating me stuffing my face with meat and peppers and walnuts and all that good stuff, "And two women who were helping."
"Who was the fourth?" Grandma asked. That was some keen calculation there. I probably couldn't do that so fast as I was busy eating.
"Hm. Let me think," Grandad said.
There was quite a long pause as Grandad thought.
"Oh well, I guess that was me," Grandad said after much deliberation.

Foul!

Grandad came down to breakfast a few days ago and announced:
"I have proof that the Democrats used voter fraud to steal the last North Carolina election!"
Ta-da! This could totally get my Grandad an interview on one of the four major networks.
"So?" Grandma asked.
Grandad began to explain but Grandma cut him off: "I don't want to hear politics over breakfast."
Anyways, what happened was that the State Board of Elections counted all votes that didn't have identies attached to them, which is illegal. You can technically come in and say "My name is Duncan McPherson and I would like to vote." and they would count it BUT you have to leave an address behind that is valid. It turns out that none of these voters left addresses meaning every time you look at the State Board of Elections it has inserted a plethora of voters who "registered this year" who do not have addresses. That is like leaving a path of destruction and knocked down trees when the main characters are all wondering: "Hm? Do you think there's a monster running around these woods?" Foul! These people should be thrown in prison! Grandad has sent this information to his elected official. Hopefully something will be done.

Finished probably

Grandad assigned me to write a speech for a motivational tape that he'll show at neighborhood Republican barbecues to get people to sign up to volunteer. It sounds really important, right? Right. If I did this wrong nobody would sign up to help Grandad and then Grandma will continue to be given the full brunt of Grandad's volunteerism. So this was important. Anyway, essays/speeches are not my cup of tea. I am criminally bad at writing. I ought to get a life sentence for the cold-blooded murder of the English tongue. In the end, my speech looked more like a motivational book report for Liberty and Tyranny. (Which was the book my Grandad wanted me to base my speech off of.)

By the way, Liberty and Tyranny is your typical bestseller: Really good stuff, really boring read. Levin, the guy who wrote it, runs a really good radio show. I think he for some reason assumed that unlike radio, books are not for entertainment. So the book is singularly unentertaining but it's really good heady stuff. P.S. Dr. McClay was quoted in it. That's how intellectual it was.

Back onto the subject of the speech. Now I'm just hoping my Grandad doesn't take one look at it and tell me to rewrite it. That would be devestating.

Meredith

Do you want to know what the cutest thing in the world is? A little girl riding her bicycle and singing her favorite song. Meredith was singing some song about rock n' roll and learning and a "rat a tat tat." Most of the words were indiscernable because when she wasn't 100% sure on the lyrics she would get quieter. She is so cute.

I was reading the "DO NOT OPEN THIS BOTTLE! IT CONTAINS ACID THAT EATS THROUGH FLESH" label on the paint remover Grandad and I were using on Aunt Jennifer's driveway when Meredith asked me what I was doing. When I told her that I was reading the bottle she just laughed and said "Silly Duncan! You have to say the words!" Aunt Jennifer later explained that what she meant was that to read, you have to be saying the words out loud as you read them (like all little kids all do as they begin learning to read.) Meredith is so cute.

Trees

My Grandad and Grandma have a back and forth argument about whether their backyard should have trees in it. Grandad doesn't want trees in his backyard. He says they shed too many leaves and obstruct the view. Grandma wants trees. They provide shade and they obstruct the view. (She doesn't like to see the neighbor's houses. She says they look "trashy.") I tend to side with Grandma because she's the one who cooks and that food tastes really good. What is your input on this dilemma?

Webex

Today Grandad (and I, although I wasn't really much help) were offered a month's free trial on Cisco's Webex Teleconference Site Thing Probably. It sells Teleconferences, okay? We attended a demo conference by telephone. The only speed bump we hit was when Grandad accidently hung up immediately after dialing in.

Duncan: Uh, Grandad? Did you know that you just hung up?

Grandad: Hm?

Somehow, I think that Webex won't be healthy for Grandad. Imagine him hosting a teleconference and hanging up before it even starts. All the other precinct chairman would be waiting for their "host" to say something only to eventually realize that he isn't there anymore. It could get hairy.

Camera Camera

There's one thing I miss about my siblings: Easily available guinea pigs. Grandad said that I'm going to record a video about getting excited about the Republican party. It doesn't sound very exciting and exciting has never been Grandad's strong suit (Grandad's Super Program is a white background with black text. I know what you're thinking, it needs pin people, right?) so the script will probably bore everyone who listens to it instead of motivating them. Oh no!

But back to the guinea pig business. Grandad has told me to experiment with and get comfortable with this camera. The only person I have to videotape is... well, Grandad. Not only that but when I say "Just say something, anything" he says something like "Today is June 3rd, and I'm here in Triangle Commons at the Tea Party. We're giving out swell prizes to lucky people who come so stop on by. Is it recording?" (Exact quote.) There are just a few problems, it's May 29th, we're in his house, and we won't be showing this clip to anyone so it is like advertising gone to waste. It's like he can't open his mouth without advertising for the Republican Party. I love it.