Eugenics

Eugenics is "the study of, or belief in, the possibility of improving the qualities of the human species or a human population by such means as discouraging reproduction by persons having genetic defects or presumed to have inheritable undesirable traits (negative eugenics) or encouraging reproduction by persons presumed to have inheritable desirable traits (positive eugenics)."

Yep, there's the Holocaust in a nutshell. Haeckel, from my previous post, was a eugenicist. Why is the guy even remembered? Besides his hack drawings of embryos, and later human skulls showing the evolution from monkey to human with an African skull being in the middle (The drawings were fake. African skulls actually look like European skulls.) His most famous experiment was his (failed) attempt to interbreed Africans and chimps.

The only reason he even performed his disgusting experiment was because everyone knew that Africans were humans and he (being a douche) wanted to prove otherwise! Everything Haeckel did was not only fraudulent, but only aimed to cheapen human life. This guy sucks. Hard.

Conficker: Dark hybrid between the word 'configure' and a swear word created by Satan himself.

By the way, the swear word in question isn't an English swear word. I know what you were all thinking but that is only because your minds are base and questionable.

The actual swear word is 'ficker' a German word for a piece of anatomy that girls don't have, you guessed it: the brain.

It was supposed to go rampant today and take half a million souls straight to Satan's throne but apparently it wussified or something.

In reality this evil virus that shut down the royal British marines and the British airlines and the standing army of the Netherlands does nothing but keep you from downloading Windows updates. What has Britain come to that it goes into a panic when it can no longer upgrade its service centers? I think it is time to step in and forcefully annex them.

I'm serious, British airlines closed because it couldn't download its own flight schedules. This really shouldn't have been a problem because it's not like they follow these schedules or anything, but they shut down anyway on principle.

The true answer is elusive yet.

Last night, I think I figured out what to call Douglas: Heather's One True Love.

This annoying dilemma stems from the fact that Heather flat refuses to let us use the word boyfriend. When I find my soulmate, I'm going to call them my 'girlfriend' even if we're courting. So there.

No other word even closely describes the relationship. "Friend," "Acquaintance," and "Penpal" are all too informal and non-specific. "Fiancee" and "Future Husband" are too forward. "The person that Heather is currently in a relationship with" is currently what we call him although it is far too wordy for my tastes. (Not only that but it ends with a preposition which is always wrong.)

Now I know you are all thinking "One True Love" sounds really corny and stupid, but hey, Heather is a corny and stupid person, right? (Kidding, kidding.) I stumbled upon it after undergoing this train of thought: "Main guy?" No, too mafia and implies that there are multiple when in reality the opposite is true. "Monogamous partner?" No, too scientific. Ah. "One True Love." Perfect.

Of course, five seconds ago I used the word "soulmate." Maybe we can go with that one instead. That one's pretty awesome. I think I'll make a poll.