Today my Physics teacher payed me a compliment in class. It was great. Being full of Physics right now, I can't remember the exact wording, but it was something to this effect:
Physics Teacher: So who can tell me what the average velocity is?
Duncan: Well, it's right there.
Red-head kid in the first row: No, that's the initial velocity.
Duncan: Same thing. If the acceleration is 0, the velocity doesn't change.
Physics Teacher: Exactly! And if the velocity doesn't change, does that mean the initial velocity is equal to the average velocity?
Duncan: Well, yes.
Physics Teacher: A~ha! I see that at least someone knows what they are doing!
So there it was. The most back-handed-insult-to-everyone-else compliment I've ever been paid. It made me glow with the satisfaction of being the only person to avoid being insulted.
P.S. Don't worry about the old ego. I followed up this glorious act by getting the next question wrong.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Facts vs. Facts
Alright, I finally figured out what Dr. Giffin did that so irked me in his facts explanation: He used the word "facts" as "statements" instead of "truth."
Before his explanation he explained that facts were scientific pieces of data. Therefore, anyone listening very closely would understand what he meant. Unfortunately, I think most students in the class wrote down "facts are relative" or something of that ilk and left it at that. Unfortunately, the common connotation of facts is not "statements." For example:
Person 1: The sun goes around the earth.
Person 2: Is that a fact?
Person 1: Yes, but it isn't true.
As you see, this conversation wouldn't happen in most instances. Everyone understands and accepts that facts are generally truth to the extent that we can use them interchangably. In short, using words in their most literal meaning is often confusing and misleading.
Before his explanation he explained that facts were scientific pieces of data. Therefore, anyone listening very closely would understand what he meant. Unfortunately, I think most students in the class wrote down "facts are relative" or something of that ilk and left it at that. Unfortunately, the common connotation of facts is not "statements." For example:
Person 1: The sun goes around the earth.
Person 2: Is that a fact?
Person 1: Yes, but it isn't true.
As you see, this conversation wouldn't happen in most instances. Everyone understands and accepts that facts are generally truth to the extent that we can use them interchangably. In short, using words in their most literal meaning is often confusing and misleading.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Roman Slavery
Today I learned about the Romans and how they treat their slaves in two different classes, Latin and Economics.
First, Dr. Davies explained to us how humane the Romans were to their slaves. That slaves were often considered part of the family. That Romans often freed their slaves in their wills. The slaves weren't just forced to do hard labor like in America. Slaves filled all economic positions. And that the reason that slaves were called "servus" which is similar to the verb "servare" to save is that the Romans thought that they saved the people they enslaved because otherwise the Romans would have killed them. Thank you for small favors.
Next hour, Dr. Giffin explained to us how in the Roman Empire the slaves were brutally forced to do all the work, that economics hardly existed at all because the empire was too wrapped up in war to think of trade, that slaves weren't given any rights at all and that you could kill them if you felt like it. Slaves filled all economic positions. (Which you'll notice Dr. Davies also said last paragraph, but Dr. Davies made it sound like the Romans were doing them a favor.)
Therefore you can see that everything you learn on campus is highly skeptical and shouldn't be taken on face value. Or as Dr. Giffin himself says, "Just because it is a fact, doesn't mean it is necessarily true."
First, Dr. Davies explained to us how humane the Romans were to their slaves. That slaves were often considered part of the family. That Romans often freed their slaves in their wills. The slaves weren't just forced to do hard labor like in America. Slaves filled all economic positions. And that the reason that slaves were called "servus" which is similar to the verb "servare" to save is that the Romans thought that they saved the people they enslaved because otherwise the Romans would have killed them. Thank you for small favors.
Next hour, Dr. Giffin explained to us how in the Roman Empire the slaves were brutally forced to do all the work, that economics hardly existed at all because the empire was too wrapped up in war to think of trade, that slaves weren't given any rights at all and that you could kill them if you felt like it. Slaves filled all economic positions. (Which you'll notice Dr. Davies also said last paragraph, but Dr. Davies made it sound like the Romans were doing them a favor.)
Therefore you can see that everything you learn on campus is highly skeptical and shouldn't be taken on face value. Or as Dr. Giffin himself says, "Just because it is a fact, doesn't mean it is necessarily true."
Next Pro-Life Club Meeting
Alright, so admittedly the club was not an instant-hit-type smashing success story. We had two people show up including myself. Bryan B. and I pretty much only went over what we could do to get more members. Anyways, that doesn't mean that I'm going to take this sitting down. I pledged our help to Choices and I'll be darned if I don't keep my word, even if I have to track down every RA myself and mulch their yard alone and bus tables at the AAA banquet solo. Hopefully, more members will join before a few of these dates.
Anyways, for anyone I've already mentioned this to, the next meeting is on Monday, but not this Monday. It is the next Monday, i.e. 10 days from now. I don't know what room yet, because I haven't booked it yet.
Anyways, for anyone I've already mentioned this to, the next meeting is on Monday, but not this Monday. It is the next Monday, i.e. 10 days from now. I don't know what room yet, because I haven't booked it yet.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Appalachia
That's the broad topic of my research paper. My English professor assigned it to the class. He said we could write on anything as long as it was from Appalachia. The first thing I did when I got home was look up "Appalachia." (Yeah, pretty lame not knowing what Appalachia was.) It turned out it was the area from Southern Pennsylvania to Northern Georgia. I've decided to narrow down my topic to "UTC's risk for Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever." It was going to be Lyme disease, but then I figured that since Lyme was in Connecticut, it didn't count as Appalachia. I bet you are all thinking "Wait! The Rocky Mountains aren't in Appalachia either!" Well that would be true. They moved. Ha. Not really, though. After all, the number one state for RMSF is North Carolina, which is in Appalachia (sort of, by a stretch of reality anyway.)
Pro-life club meeting
Alright! The pro-life club meeting is tonight! Yay! I'm the temporary stand-in president until tonight so I was the one who organized it, meaning if we can't get into the Riverbend Room tonight, that would be my fault. We'll probably meet just outside the room or use my elite powers of doing illegal stuff to use some other room that's unlocked and unused. The reason it is on Thursday at 7:00 is to economize my drivers. I get Lexie to take me at 5:00 then she goes to her Classics club, sit around for a few hours, pro-life like crazy, and then go to RUF, whereupon someone will come pick me up, hopefully. Anyways, by doing every club activity on the same night, I don't have to worry about getting people to drive me.
P.S. The best strategy for attending clubs without a driver's license is to take a lab that starts at 4:00. When it finishes, all the ministries and clubs begin so you can stay an extra hour by telling your Mom the wrong endtime for your lab and have fun.
P.S. The best strategy for attending clubs without a driver's license is to take a lab that starts at 4:00. When it finishes, all the ministries and clubs begin so you can stay an extra hour by telling your Mom the wrong endtime for your lab and have fun.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Andrew's Hat
I was sitting at my laptop when I heard a ruckus down the hall. Grace and her friend had stolen Andrew's hat and were running around trying to keep it away from him. Now, as Andrew said multiple times while pleading with them to give it back, (he could have caught up with them and beat them up pretty easily, but he didn't because he was a gentleman.) there was no reason for them to steal it. It has no value at all, it is the most putrid thing I've ever seen, and it would take them a week to get the smell of their hands. Well after a lot of noise Grace and her friend finally managed to rip it. It doesn't look much like a hat anymore. It looks more like a cootie catcher now. As Andrew mourned his hat, his one friend, his precious family heirloom, Grace's friend said, "Well, it wasn't a very important hat."
Physics
Our Physics class is using an online homework provider which is a real pain. For one thing it cost $70. Usually the service comes with a registration number on your textbook, but we got our Physics book used so it was useless. We got our Physics book used for $40 instead of $200 so we still got a pretty good deal.
Another annoying thing about the online provider is that you only have three tries to give the computer the exact answer that they want. Also, if you submit your answer it just says "WRONG." I like human teachers better because they say things like "Check your significant figures" or "Remember, the arrow is going THIS direction so the number is negative" or "See how it sits in the negative X axis? That means you have to add 90 degrees to get the REAL answer." When the computer says "WRONG" it could mean any of these things.
P.S. I haven't gotten any of the questions wrong. Yet. But the first thing our teacher did on Monday was give a little pre-lesson pep talk about not getting discouraged if you don't get all the questions right. Tis' an ill omen.
Another annoying thing about the online provider is that you only have three tries to give the computer the exact answer that they want. Also, if you submit your answer it just says "WRONG." I like human teachers better because they say things like "Check your significant figures" or "Remember, the arrow is going THIS direction so the number is negative" or "See how it sits in the negative X axis? That means you have to add 90 degrees to get the REAL answer." When the computer says "WRONG" it could mean any of these things.
P.S. I haven't gotten any of the questions wrong. Yet. But the first thing our teacher did on Monday was give a little pre-lesson pep talk about not getting discouraged if you don't get all the questions right. Tis' an ill omen.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Ann Coulter
HEY GUYS! GUESS WHAT? ANN COULTER IS COMING TO UTC~!
So I opened my e-mail and there were a bunch of moronic UTC-MEMO's which I promptly selected in order to delete, but there sandwiched between "Job Offer Fair for Freshmen" and "Idiot Frat House Seeks Members" was "Ann Coulter comes to UTC to speak." BLAM-O! I instantly stopped deleting and began reading. Apparently the Women's Studies Dept. (Morons) have invited Ann Coulter to give a speech that will be "critiqued" by two of their professors. I can't wait to go! It's Oct. 5 and IT'S SO EXCITING I GET TO SEE ANN COULTER LIIIIIIIIIIIVE.
I'll probably leave after Ann Coulter stops talking and gives the podium to the idiot professors, but whatever.
P.S. For all you people who don't know what Ann Coulter wrote but probably do know who wrote "To Kill A Mockingbird," (I only found out today. I feel stoopid.) read some of my June posts about her AWESOME POSSUM books, "Godless" and "Guilty." The blog posts are named "Perpuated Falsehoods."
So I opened my e-mail and there were a bunch of moronic UTC-MEMO's which I promptly selected in order to delete, but there sandwiched between "Job Offer Fair for Freshmen" and "Idiot Frat House Seeks Members" was "Ann Coulter comes to UTC to speak." BLAM-O! I instantly stopped deleting and began reading. Apparently the Women's Studies Dept. (Morons) have invited Ann Coulter to give a speech that will be "critiqued" by two of their professors. I can't wait to go! It's Oct. 5 and IT'S SO EXCITING I GET TO SEE ANN COULTER LIIIIIIIIIIIVE.
I'll probably leave after Ann Coulter stops talking and gives the podium to the idiot professors, but whatever.
P.S. For all you people who don't know what Ann Coulter wrote but probably do know who wrote "To Kill A Mockingbird," (I only found out today. I feel stoopid.) read some of my June posts about her AWESOME POSSUM books, "Godless" and "Guilty." The blog posts are named "Perpuated Falsehoods."
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Angel Food Ministries
Just in case any of you ever feel like helping with this ministry or something, I'm going to break down my actions between the time I woke up and the time I got home.
5:00: Alarm rings, I hit the off button and sit up. If I hadn't sat up I would have gone back to sleep.
5:01: Cold shower causes my eyes to pop out of their head. At least I'm awake now.
5:20: Dad wakes up in order to wake me up. I'm already awake so he goes back to sleep.
5:30: I begin waiting outside to be picked up by our neighbor (Mr. H.) with the trailer that will be transporting the food from site A (Brainerd, really near the K___'s house.) to site B (Our church)
5:35: He arrives and apologizes. He went back to sleep after hitting the snooze button.
5:36: Mr. H buys me a bacon biscuit for breakfast. He eats his sausage biscuit while driving.
5:40: We pass the sign that says "Let's have Ice Cream after you paralyze us. (Is your friend driving recklessly? Go to www.speakuporelse.com)"
6:00: We arrive at the church where the Sunoco truck carrying the food from AFM is. No one else is there except the truck driver who is asleep.
6:05: Everyone else shows up.
6:05-7:00: We take food out of the Sunoco truck and put it into Mr. H's trailer. All the other churches take their food and put it into their trailers as well. I was given the job of carrying boxes of food from the front of the truck to the back of the truck for distribution.
7:00: We drive down Brainerd, through the McCallie tunnels, and past UTC in five minutes. Having no traffic really makes a big deal.
7:10: We arrive at our church and begin unloading Mr. H's trailer.
7:30: I ask Mr. E (other neighbor) if I can have a ride home with him later so I can stay and help distribute. Consent is given. I inform Mr. H that his services are no longer required.
7:30-9:00: I eat sausage biscuits and stare at a wall, listening to all the deacons who were helping talk about the meeting the night before that my parents were supposed to attend. They didn't miss much.
9:00: People begin arriving with empty boxes. Weeks before they had put in an order to AFM through our church. Now they come to collect all the food they'll need for the next month at a low low price. Smile. You're saving even more. I'm in charge of dropping three packages of different meats into each box as it passes me.
9:30: We pack up. I go home with Mr. E.
Typically chores at our house run from 8:00-9:00. Therefore if I had left after my job was done I would have gotten home as everyone started. Instead I got home well after they were finished.
5:00: Alarm rings, I hit the off button and sit up. If I hadn't sat up I would have gone back to sleep.
5:01: Cold shower causes my eyes to pop out of their head. At least I'm awake now.
5:20: Dad wakes up in order to wake me up. I'm already awake so he goes back to sleep.
5:30: I begin waiting outside to be picked up by our neighbor (Mr. H.) with the trailer that will be transporting the food from site A (Brainerd, really near the K___'s house.) to site B (Our church)
5:35: He arrives and apologizes. He went back to sleep after hitting the snooze button.
5:36: Mr. H buys me a bacon biscuit for breakfast. He eats his sausage biscuit while driving.
5:40: We pass the sign that says "Let's have Ice Cream after you paralyze us. (Is your friend driving recklessly? Go to www.speakuporelse.com)"
6:00: We arrive at the church where the Sunoco truck carrying the food from AFM is. No one else is there except the truck driver who is asleep.
6:05: Everyone else shows up.
6:05-7:00: We take food out of the Sunoco truck and put it into Mr. H's trailer. All the other churches take their food and put it into their trailers as well. I was given the job of carrying boxes of food from the front of the truck to the back of the truck for distribution.
7:00: We drive down Brainerd, through the McCallie tunnels, and past UTC in five minutes. Having no traffic really makes a big deal.
7:10: We arrive at our church and begin unloading Mr. H's trailer.
7:30: I ask Mr. E (other neighbor) if I can have a ride home with him later so I can stay and help distribute. Consent is given. I inform Mr. H that his services are no longer required.
7:30-9:00: I eat sausage biscuits and stare at a wall, listening to all the deacons who were helping talk about the meeting the night before that my parents were supposed to attend. They didn't miss much.
9:00: People begin arriving with empty boxes. Weeks before they had put in an order to AFM through our church. Now they come to collect all the food they'll need for the next month at a low low price. Smile. You're saving even more. I'm in charge of dropping three packages of different meats into each box as it passes me.
9:30: We pack up. I go home with Mr. E.
Typically chores at our house run from 8:00-9:00. Therefore if I had left after my job was done I would have gotten home as everyone started. Instead I got home well after they were finished.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
What We Learned Today
Today, I've figured out something important, I would much rather work for charity than work for nothing. Today I helped out Angel Food Ministries, which is a very satisfying thing to do, helping the poor afford food and stuff. Anyone wanting to do so full time should get a job at Wal-Mart. Anyways, I helped unload the truck that delivered food to our church so we could sell it to people at a highly reduced cost. At that point I was supposed to go home with one of my neighbors who was also helping unload the truck, but instead I stayed because I noticed many of my other neighbors were there for the second part (distributing the food to the people who bought it) and I knew they could drive me home later.
Anyways, I greatly enjoyed staying. One reason I didn't want to go home would be that I was off from chores for helping with Angel Food. I'd still be off from chores even if I went home at the designated time (8:00), but if I went home at 8:00 then I would have to endure all my siblings shooting me nasty looks as they did my chores and I lounged on a sofa. Anyways, I discovered that volunteering my time for a ministry instead of doing menial grunt work is a trade-off I would make any time.
This will come in handy when I am a doctor and Obama expects me to work for nothing. He will pay me for the first few months of the year and stop when I reach my salary cap. Now I know what to do. I'll take an extended leave of absence from work and volunteer my time at a ministry that could use my medical abilities. You might be thinking, "Hey! There's no difference between volunteering your time to work for the government and volunteering your time to work for charity!" But you would be wrong. Dumbledore knows the difference, and so did Harry's parents, and so does Harry, so that's all that matters.
Anyways, I greatly enjoyed staying. One reason I didn't want to go home would be that I was off from chores for helping with Angel Food. I'd still be off from chores even if I went home at the designated time (8:00), but if I went home at 8:00 then I would have to endure all my siblings shooting me nasty looks as they did my chores and I lounged on a sofa. Anyways, I discovered that volunteering my time for a ministry instead of doing menial grunt work is a trade-off I would make any time.
This will come in handy when I am a doctor and Obama expects me to work for nothing. He will pay me for the first few months of the year and stop when I reach my salary cap. Now I know what to do. I'll take an extended leave of absence from work and volunteer my time at a ministry that could use my medical abilities. You might be thinking, "Hey! There's no difference between volunteering your time to work for the government and volunteering your time to work for charity!" But you would be wrong. Dumbledore knows the difference, and so did Harry's parents, and so does Harry, so that's all that matters.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Cool Blast
Recently we've been having deodorant troubles. Andrew and I have apparently been smelling bad or something. Andrew says that it is because the deodorant has been too weak and I think it is just because we don't shower consistently enough. Anyway, apparently Mom decided to assume the best of her sons (always a mistake) and told Dad to buy us stronger deodorants. So now I smell like a Cool Blast and Andrew smells Fresh. Since Andrew will probably not accompany this with a lifestyle change (showering) it will probably not work. I intend to shower EVERY MORNING, ha. Starting tomorrow.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Bible Bee
Ah man, I still have made almost no progress on memorizing the verses for Bible Bee. The difficult thing about the Bible Bee vs the Spelling Bee is that if there is a word you haven't studied that shows up in the Spelling Bee, you can still get it by sounding it out and guessing. With the Bible Bee, that is impossible, unless you happen to be a pastor who knows "Hmmm. Romans 1-3 is about condemnation so Romans 3:23 should be something like 'For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.' hmmmm." Unfortunately, I'm not that good at guessing so I have to learn the verses the hard way.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Phantom Thief Duncan
As we all know, there is no building that Phantom Thief Duncan can't enter when he puts his mind to it. Yesterday, Coach Bart sent an e-mail saying "Fencing has been changed to the ARC." (Aquatic Recreation Center) Unfortunately, the ARC had held an opening ceremony that very evening and closed early. Fortunately, phantom thief Duncan was on the case and after futilely yanking on every door to the outside, found one that was unlocked that led to the boiler room. I wandered all over the ARC and finally concluded that the fencing club was NOT there. (Although they might have been in the pool, since I didn't find those either.)
When I got back from school, I opened my e-mail account and found an e-mail from Coach Bart that said "Sorry about the confusion. Apparently the ARC closed early. Fencing next Tuesday!"
Meaning that I began my life of crime, illegally entering a locked building, for no reason. Sheesh.
When I got back from school, I opened my e-mail account and found an e-mail from Coach Bart that said "Sorry about the confusion. Apparently the ARC closed early. Fencing next Tuesday!"
Meaning that I began my life of crime, illegally entering a locked building, for no reason. Sheesh.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Proof
Given that you exist, prove your favorite color.
Today was my first day back to class. The only class that actually did more today than hand out the syllabus was physics, so today physics will be my main gripe. After syllabussing for the first few minutes and explaining us how to access our homework online, he gave this brief talk about the role of a scientist. Interestingly enough he said the role of the scientist wasn't to find out the truth but to explain things. He asked one girl to prove that she existed. That was entertaining. Anyway, I felt like asking him to prove that he existed so I would know I wasn't wasting my time in his class, but I decided to keep that to myself. But you know, it made me appreciate how moronic the comeback "Prove that God exists" is, because, according to my new physics teacher, you can't even prove that you exist.
Today was my first day back to class. The only class that actually did more today than hand out the syllabus was physics, so today physics will be my main gripe. After syllabussing for the first few minutes and explaining us how to access our homework online, he gave this brief talk about the role of a scientist. Interestingly enough he said the role of the scientist wasn't to find out the truth but to explain things. He asked one girl to prove that she existed. That was entertaining. Anyway, I felt like asking him to prove that he existed so I would know I wasn't wasting my time in his class, but I decided to keep that to myself. But you know, it made me appreciate how moronic the comeback "Prove that God exists" is, because, according to my new physics teacher, you can't even prove that you exist.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Fictional Grief
Have you ever been watching a movie or reading a book and you start crying when a fictional character dies? Not like a random background character is murdered and the main character has to figure out whodunnit but an actual character like one of Harry Potter's father figures dies and you just begin to weep for the brevity of such a beautiful life. Well, why? It doesn't make much sense to mourn a fictional character. If you never lived, can you really die?
P.S. My brother Luke is the only person I've ever known to weep at the death of a nonfictional character in a book, The Life of Abraham Lincoln. (I won't spoil the ending for you, just in case you haven't read it.) Just saying.
P.S. My brother Luke is the only person I've ever known to weep at the death of a nonfictional character in a book, The Life of Abraham Lincoln. (I won't spoil the ending for you, just in case you haven't read it.) Just saying.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Rude Awakening
Last night Lexie was planning all the meals for the next week. I was standing there making suggestions.
"And what will we have on Saturday?" Lexie asked.
"Hmmmmmmm. Saturday..." I said thinking. After all, I clean dinner on Saturday so I need to make sure it is something rather easy to clean.
"It's our big sendoff-to-college meal so it has to be special," Lexie said.
"Uh what? We go back to college on Monday," I said, slightly worried.
"This Monday?" Lexie asked.
"Yeah, four days from now," I said.
"Nyoron," Lexie moaned. I figure she had to re-plan all of the week's meals to take into account that she wouldn't be there.
"And what will we have on Saturday?" Lexie asked.
"Hmmmmmmm. Saturday..." I said thinking. After all, I clean dinner on Saturday so I need to make sure it is something rather easy to clean.
"It's our big sendoff-to-college meal so it has to be special," Lexie said.
"Uh what? We go back to college on Monday," I said, slightly worried.
"This Monday?" Lexie asked.
"Yeah, four days from now," I said.
"Nyoron," Lexie moaned. I figure she had to re-plan all of the week's meals to take into account that she wouldn't be there.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Random Cuteness
So I was picking on Emily, poking her in the forehead. She was wearing a Shakespeare shirt that belongs to Grace so it goes to her knees.
"Stop!" She said, covering her forehead.
"Oh ho! Why don't you ask your money to save you!" I said, on David's suggestion. (He was sitting beside Emily doing his math.)
"Money doesn't save you. It only gets you out of jail, dummy."
I think Emily has been playing too much Monopoly or something. I can't think of any other reasonable explanation for her saying something so cute.
"Stop!" She said, covering her forehead.
"Oh ho! Why don't you ask your money to save you!" I said, on David's suggestion. (He was sitting beside Emily doing his math.)
"Money doesn't save you. It only gets you out of jail, dummy."
I think Emily has been playing too much Monopoly or something. I can't think of any other reasonable explanation for her saying something so cute.
Satisfaction
We've been helping one of our neighbors clean her house and it has been going very well. It's very satisfying cleaning it because it is very messy. It's not so satisfying when Mom tells us to clean up our room and we find it to be perfectly satisfactory already.
"What have you guys been doing? It doesn't look any cleaner!" Mom would say coming in.
"Well, yeah. That's because it was already clean," I would think.
Our neighbors on the other hand keep cats, which like all animals make a disgusting mess of your house and don't really care. Mom's told us to pitch any clothes/bedsheets/shoes that the cats used as a litterbox because there would be no cleaning them. On the other hand, cleaning up after their disgusting mess leaves the house looking sparkly clean and a lot less cluttered. When I left I was satisfied to know that we had left their house cleaner than we had found it. (Of course it helps having a maniacally clean mother.)
"What have you guys been doing? It doesn't look any cleaner!" Mom would say coming in.
"Well, yeah. That's because it was already clean," I would think.
Our neighbors on the other hand keep cats, which like all animals make a disgusting mess of your house and don't really care. Mom's told us to pitch any clothes/bedsheets/shoes that the cats used as a litterbox because there would be no cleaning them. On the other hand, cleaning up after their disgusting mess leaves the house looking sparkly clean and a lot less cluttered. When I left I was satisfied to know that we had left their house cleaner than we had found it. (Of course it helps having a maniacally clean mother.)
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Math Whiz
Today, Luke learned how to multiply by 11. First he had to write down every multiple of 11 down a list that said 11 x 1 = ____, 11 x 2 = ____, 11 x 3 = ____, etc. Then they asked him some review problems to see if he understood the material. Here is his answer sheet:
1. Look at the addition problems. Why is it easy to add 11?
Luke's Answer: 2+11=13
Duncan's Response: WHAT THE HECK!? What does the miraculous fact that 2+11=13 have to do with ANYTHING!?
2. Look at all the products. What pattern do you see in the first nine products?
Luke's Answer: 4
Duncan's Response: ... What can I say? I still don't understand why Luke put down 4 in the space where they wanted an answer to a short-answer question.
3. What do you think 11 x 0 is and why?
Luke's Answer: 0. Because easy.
Duncan's Response: ... migraine migraine migraine.
4. What do you think 11 x 13 is and why?
Luke's Answer: 124. Because hard.
Duncan's Response: Why is my brother a caveman? 124 isn't even the right answer.
1. Look at the addition problems. Why is it easy to add 11?
Luke's Answer: 2+11=13
Duncan's Response: WHAT THE HECK!? What does the miraculous fact that 2+11=13 have to do with ANYTHING!?
2. Look at all the products. What pattern do you see in the first nine products?
Luke's Answer: 4
Duncan's Response: ... What can I say? I still don't understand why Luke put down 4 in the space where they wanted an answer to a short-answer question.
3. What do you think 11 x 0 is and why?
Luke's Answer: 0. Because easy.
Duncan's Response: ... migraine migraine migraine.
4. What do you think 11 x 13 is and why?
Luke's Answer: 124. Because hard.
Duncan's Response: Why is my brother a caveman? 124 isn't even the right answer.
Heather in Trouble
I bet you guys have all noticed the lack of enormous monsters ripping down buildings in the vicinity. That's right, and I doubt we ever will have enormous monsters attack here in Chattanooga. After all, big important monsters like Godzilla and King Kong attack cities that are civilization centers of the world whose countries have very developed special effects technologies like New York or Tokyo. You know what that means right? Heather, of course, is in grave danger. She is currently in Edinburgh meaning that if Scotland were to suddenly develop a booming special effects industry she would be at high risk for monster attacks! (Although the first couple of monsters to strike would probably be hand-puppets.) I am so envious.
P.S. Wouldn't it be cool to watch monsters terrorize Edinburgh, knocking down castles and stomping 16th-century pubs?
P.S. Wouldn't it be cool to watch monsters terrorize Edinburgh, knocking down castles and stomping 16th-century pubs?
Monday, August 10, 2009
Disclaimer
David has been bothering me all day about the last post. First he whined for a while so I made him to do math, then he cried as he ate lunch, then he glared for the better part of the afternoon and then he yanked my sleeve during dinner and said, "Duncan, I have a great idea. How about you put up a disclaimer that says 'David did not actually swear yesterday.'"
So according to SOME people, mostly DAVID, David did not actually swear on the Sabbath, thus proving him guiltless in the sight of God. He has been redeemed, justified, sanctified, and vindicated and is now thoroughly absolved from any loose lipness real or imagined.
So according to SOME people, mostly DAVID, David did not actually swear on the Sabbath, thus proving him guiltless in the sight of God. He has been redeemed, justified, sanctified, and vindicated and is now thoroughly absolved from any loose lipness real or imagined.
5+5 Summit!
Something weird happened last night while the Three Musketeers were eating ice cream. (That would be Duncan, Andrew, and David, for those who aren't familiar with McPherson Terminology.) Suddenly, Andrew, who had been staring at my shirt for some time which read "If you stand for nothing, you'll fall for anything. SUMMIT!", shouted "5+5! SUMMIT!"
"What?" I asked, figuring that Andrew was acting weird again.
"5+5!!" GRIIIN. "SUMMIT!"
It was like reading a convoluted dying message by a professor who is trying to tell you both the murderer's name and his method in one word.
"My God, Duncan, you are SO stupid!" said David, who might I point out, took the name of the Lord his God in vain on the sabbath, thus breaking two commandments in one sentence. Three if you count Jesus' spiel on to insult your brother is to murder him. And he probably wasn't exactly honoring his father and his mother either!
"What? What?" I said looking back and forth at their two demented grins.
"Everyone knows the answer to this question! It's ten!" David said.
"Huh?"
"5+5! Sum! It!" David said.
So, as you can see, it was just Andrew being weird again.
"What?" I asked, figuring that Andrew was acting weird again.
"5+5!!" GRIIIN. "SUMMIT!"
It was like reading a convoluted dying message by a professor who is trying to tell you both the murderer's name and his method in one word.
"My God, Duncan, you are SO stupid!" said David, who might I point out, took the name of the Lord his God in vain on the sabbath, thus breaking two commandments in one sentence. Three if you count Jesus' spiel on to insult your brother is to murder him. And he probably wasn't exactly honoring his father and his mother either!
"What? What?" I said looking back and forth at their two demented grins.
"Everyone knows the answer to this question! It's ten!" David said.
"Huh?"
"5+5! Sum! It!" David said.
So, as you can see, it was just Andrew being weird again.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Super Metabolism
One day, Dad and his trusty friend Super Metabolism found themselves surrounded by an army of sweets.
"There must be a million of them," Dad said looking around in awe at the forces gathered against him.
"Just don't slow me down," said Super Metabolism, testing his metabolic ray gun with a few tentative squirts.
YAAAAH!!
"They just keep coming!" Dad yelled, chopping down two peppermint sticks with a swift stroke of his incisor.
"They've breached the wall!" Super Metabolism shouted, dousing two Snickers bars with hydrochloric acid.
"There's no end to them!"
"I can't take this much longer-AGH!"
After a few minutes nothing remained of the army but scattered wrappers and those oither candies (not spelled correctly) because those are gross.
"We did it, Super Metabolism!" Dad shouted triumphantly. No response. "Super Metabolism?" On the ground behind him lay Super Metabolism, an Oreo having clogged his heart. In only a few minutes he would undoubtedly die of heartburn.
"Heh, yes we did." Super Metabolism whispered right before he coughed up some blood.
"N-no! Super Metabolism! We made a promise! We promised we'd be skinny forever! Remember?" Dad cried, manly tears rolling down his face.
"Heh, can't believe I ate the whole thing."
And so a great hero died that day, a metabolism that knew no equal and kept Dad looking like the skeletons he used to hang in his closet, only healthier. He was replaced by Underpaid Worker Metabolism who is constantly on strike and doesn't help Dad much. The moral of the story is not to gloat in your fortune of having a Super Metabolism because it will probably disappear by the time you turn forty and you will have no friends. OK, I admit you will still have lots of friends, but your children will make fun of you.
"There must be a million of them," Dad said looking around in awe at the forces gathered against him.
"Just don't slow me down," said Super Metabolism, testing his metabolic ray gun with a few tentative squirts.
YAAAAH!!
"They just keep coming!" Dad yelled, chopping down two peppermint sticks with a swift stroke of his incisor.
"They've breached the wall!" Super Metabolism shouted, dousing two Snickers bars with hydrochloric acid.
"There's no end to them!"
"I can't take this much longer-AGH!"
After a few minutes nothing remained of the army but scattered wrappers and those oither candies (not spelled correctly) because those are gross.
"We did it, Super Metabolism!" Dad shouted triumphantly. No response. "Super Metabolism?" On the ground behind him lay Super Metabolism, an Oreo having clogged his heart. In only a few minutes he would undoubtedly die of heartburn.
"Heh, yes we did." Super Metabolism whispered right before he coughed up some blood.
"N-no! Super Metabolism! We made a promise! We promised we'd be skinny forever! Remember?" Dad cried, manly tears rolling down his face.
"Heh, can't believe I ate the whole thing."
And so a great hero died that day, a metabolism that knew no equal and kept Dad looking like the skeletons he used to hang in his closet, only healthier. He was replaced by Underpaid Worker Metabolism who is constantly on strike and doesn't help Dad much. The moral of the story is not to gloat in your fortune of having a Super Metabolism because it will probably disappear by the time you turn forty and you will have no friends. OK, I admit you will still have lots of friends, but your children will make fun of you.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Wake-up call
"Breakfast time, guys," said Andrew, slamming open the door.
"Alright, Alright. I'm up," I said, because all my brothers have a tendency to repeat themselves if they think I haven't heard them.
"Oh, not you Duncan. You can sleep," Andrew said. That made me pretty suspicious, but I shrugged if off thinking, if Mom gets mad at me I can always tell her that Andrew told me I could sleep in.
Twenty minutes later, Connor and Luke slammed open the door, clapping their hands with every step they took, and then staging an extremely loud pseudo-conversation. In between stomps on their faces, they managed to spit out that they had wanted to wake me up. (I had assumed as much FYI, and I'm just kidding about the stomping part, I just glowered at them.)
Now, I have no idea why Andrew wanted me to sleep and the kids wanted me awake, and why the kids thought it would be better to wake me in an obnoxious manner than just saying "Hey Duncan, it's time to get up." Even if they weren't sent by Mom to wake me up, they could say they were and I would be too tired to know the difference. So it was a very poorly executed plan.
P.S. Upon arriving downstairs Andrew said and I quote, "*gaaaasp* He Liiiiives!" These pieces are not falling into place.
"Alright, Alright. I'm up," I said, because all my brothers have a tendency to repeat themselves if they think I haven't heard them.
"Oh, not you Duncan. You can sleep," Andrew said. That made me pretty suspicious, but I shrugged if off thinking, if Mom gets mad at me I can always tell her that Andrew told me I could sleep in.
Twenty minutes later, Connor and Luke slammed open the door, clapping their hands with every step they took, and then staging an extremely loud pseudo-conversation. In between stomps on their faces, they managed to spit out that they had wanted to wake me up. (I had assumed as much FYI, and I'm just kidding about the stomping part, I just glowered at them.)
Now, I have no idea why Andrew wanted me to sleep and the kids wanted me awake, and why the kids thought it would be better to wake me in an obnoxious manner than just saying "Hey Duncan, it's time to get up." Even if they weren't sent by Mom to wake me up, they could say they were and I would be too tired to know the difference. So it was a very poorly executed plan.
P.S. Upon arriving downstairs Andrew said and I quote, "*gaaaasp* He Liiiiives!" These pieces are not falling into place.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Bible Bee
Well, now that's Shakespeare is over I can devote my entire time to memorizing scripture for the Bible bee. Of course, I calculated that to finish memorizing all the predetermined Bible verses in time for the Bee, I would have to memorize eight pages a day. Each page is roughly equivalent to 50 lines of Shakespeare. I thought memorizing Shakespeare was hard but it turns out my part only adds up to about three pages of Bible Bee, and I'm expected to memorize 85 pages. The Bible Bee is sponsored by some Institute which Mom has said is well-known for expecting too much from home-schoolers. I can't remember its name, but I'll get back to you on that. We'll be competing against the Broadwells and a bunch of as of yet unknown homeschoolers from this area. If I win, I could go straight to national where the winner gets an enormous pile of cash.
Unfortunately, I've been on the eight page a day diet for three days now and I've only memorized six pages total. Uh... My math sensors detect a discrepancy...
Unfortunately, I've been on the eight page a day diet for three days now and I've only memorized six pages total. Uh... My math sensors detect a discrepancy...
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Misreads
My younger brother Luke is still in the area of life when he can't read every word in a sentence. Some of these mess-ups are entertaining like when he misread a verse in 1 Peter as "Cast your anxieties on him before he casts his anxieties on you." Or when he misread a sentence in his picture bible from "Jacob feared that Esau would attack his women and children" to "Jacob feared that Esau's women and children would attack him." Or when he misread "Jesse" as "Jesus." And I've come to find that "not" is the most underappreciated word in the English language. Only three letters long yet it is the most important word in every sentence. Leave it out and the sentence takes on a whole new meaning.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Age vs. Maturity
After Winter's Tale everyone was bouncing around their observations when someone brought up how loud and irritating the shepherds were in the green room. He had a point; the shepherds were boisterous and insubordinate all week and Alexie had registered multiple complaints with Mom saying that Baylor wouldn't appreciate it if we made a wreck of their building. (Which I personally agree with, since Baylor has been extremely generous in allowing us to use their building for free. Covenant made us pay $90 for the use of their stage and it was much smaller and didn't have a stage left exit, dressing rooms, a green room, or a backstage because it was usually used for lectures.)
Anyway, Mom suggested we put an age limit saying no one less than 13 can perform. It seemed wise because all the twelve year old shepherd were so rowdy that it would be impossible to imagine them actually saying a line on stage at the right time, let alone memorizing it. However I (being wise and statistical as only I can be) pointed out that Matthew M_______ was only twelve when he played Peter Quince and I doubt we could have had or ever will have a better Quince than Matthew gave us. The look of complete shock on Alexie's face as this realization sunk in was priceless. She was so disgusted (with the immature shepherds)/impressed (with Matthew)/shocked (that they could possible be the same age). Just goes to show that age is no measure of maturity.
Anyway, Mom suggested we put an age limit saying no one less than 13 can perform. It seemed wise because all the twelve year old shepherd were so rowdy that it would be impossible to imagine them actually saying a line on stage at the right time, let alone memorizing it. However I (being wise and statistical as only I can be) pointed out that Matthew M_______ was only twelve when he played Peter Quince and I doubt we could have had or ever will have a better Quince than Matthew gave us. The look of complete shock on Alexie's face as this realization sunk in was priceless. She was so disgusted (with the immature shepherds)/impressed (with Matthew)/shocked (that they could possible be the same age). Just goes to show that age is no measure of maturity.
Dr. Obama
So, I was chilling in the living room reading my completely biased Republican propaganda, the Limbaugh Letter, when Luke meandered in. I was reading an article called "Dr. Obama Strangelove," which was pretty insulting although I didn't see what it had to do with Dr. Strangelove. It was more like, "Obama is spending all our money and Nancy Pelosi is quoted as not caring." Anyways, Luke sidled up to me and stared over my shoulder for a minute.
"So," he said in a conversational tone, "I see that Obama has become a doctor."
"So," he said in a conversational tone, "I see that Obama has become a doctor."
Monday, August 3, 2009
What's for dinner?
So I was chilling at my computer and celebrating my new breakthrough, having discovered that I was multiplying my variable by -1 instead of 0, when Luke barged in and yelled "Hey everybody! It's time for dinner!"
"What's for dinner?" Connor asked, peeling himself away from his computer.
"Chips and salsa!" Luke said, his eyes alight.
"And cheese!" yelled Emily as she hopped in.
"With a side of Mexican Casserole, I presume?" I asked, since I am as sarcastic and unrelatable as Artemis Fowl.
"Exactly!" Luke said, bounding out again to go tell someone else the good news.
"What's for dinner?" Connor asked, peeling himself away from his computer.
"Chips and salsa!" Luke said, his eyes alight.
"And cheese!" yelled Emily as she hopped in.
"With a side of Mexican Casserole, I presume?" I asked, since I am as sarcastic and unrelatable as Artemis Fowl.
"Exactly!" Luke said, bounding out again to go tell someone else the good news.
Jeans
Alright, yesterday I put on the 14-dollar jeans I bought several weeks ago with Dad for the first time. I've been wearing the 8-dollar jeans this entire time alternating with shorts since it is summer. Unfortunately the 8-dollar jeans don't fit despite being cheaper. They're too wide around the waist making me look like one of those moronic apathetic gangster-wanna-be college guys who wear their pants at their knees. OK, so they're not that loose, but it is true that I have to wear a belt whenever I wear the jeans. The 14-dollar jeans however fit like a dream. They're great.
Anyways, I calculated that the amount of ice cream I would have to consume to expand my waistline to fit into the eight-dollar jeans given my demonic metabolism would actually make the cost of the jeans higher than if I simply bought the 14-dollar jeans that actually fit.
Anyways, I calculated that the amount of ice cream I would have to consume to expand my waistline to fit into the eight-dollar jeans given my demonic metabolism would actually make the cost of the jeans higher than if I simply bought the 14-dollar jeans that actually fit.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)